Downtime and Debriefs
by CooperTrooperSG1
Summary: Pegasus Project spoilers, mild. Light moments of offduty teambonding type stuff. SamJack, but it's not really the main focus.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Downtime and Debriefs

Rating: K/PG (rating may go up if story continues)

Spoilers: "Pegasus Project"

Pairing: S/J implied, maybe not-so-implied later.

Summary: Just after they get back from Atlantis. Light moments of off-duty team-bonding type stuff.

A/N: This is the most I've ever done about Mitchell so I'm a little nervous about his characterization. Some people thought I was too harsh with him in my last story, but that was mostly meant to be Daniel's interpretation of things… although I admit that I was still remembering their relationship to him in Season 9 more than how it's been this year. Anyway, this one is probably better on that front. Here goes…

Downtime and Debriefs

By CooperTrooperSG1

Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell entered the commissary at the SGC, doing a quick sweep of the room, and realized he was the last one of their group to arrive. Teal'c was in line - awesome, Mitchell could cut in front of Siler and that other guy that was always with him - and Vala and Daniel already had their trays and were sitting at their usual table.

Ignoring the frown he got from Siler, Cameron clapped Teal'c on the back and greeted, "Hey, T-Bone!"

Teal'c expressed the utmost displeasure with the new nickname - meaning that the corners of his mouth turned down and his shoulders stiffened ever-so-slightly.

"Sorry," Mitchell apologized. "I just got some Seinfeld DVDs… which probably explains nothing, does it?"

"O'Neill enjoyed that program," Teal'c said. "But after watching two episodes with him, I did not understand the appeal."

Thinking about it for a moment, Mitchell decided that might very well be a show that aliens just wouldn't 'get.' Frowning slightly at the glob of what was probably supposed to be meatloaf that was unceremoniously plopped onto his plate by a bored-looking SF, he said dryly, "Gee, it's great to be back, isn't it?"

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed, either missing or (more likely) overlooking the sarcasm.

Their recent trip to Atlantis had been an all-around success, and everyone was still on that post-successful-mission high, even after the long flight home. The most impressive evidence of this was that Daniel and Vala weren't even in the middle of an argument when Teal'c and Cameron joined them. Daniel actually seemed to be _enjoying_ his conversation with Vala - which, considering that he usually looked like he was trying his best not to scream when they were going at it, was cause for celebration in and of itself.

"Look, Teal'c, Beauty and the Beast are getting along for a change," Cameron said as he sat down across from them.

"Come on, Mitchell, Vala's a little… difficult… but she's not a _beast,_" Daniel said. Vala punched him, hard, on the arm. "Okay, I stand corrected," he said, rubbing his arm.

"I believe Colonel Mitchell intended _you _to be the 'beast' in question, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, drowning the meat on his plate in ketchup. Everyone stared at him for a few moments. He almost never needed anything explained to him any more. "Although I do not see why he would choose to imply that someone who bears such a resemblance to himself is beast-like," Teal'c added evenly.

Daniel laughed. Vala laughed louder. Mitchell came as close to sulking as a Lt. Col. In the USAF should ever come, then reluctantly admitted, "Good one, Teal'c. So, what did you guys finally find to talk about without arguing?"

"Daniel was telling me all about your legends of Morgan LeFey. Apparently there _are _some people on your fair planet who were on her side all along."

"I was telling her about 'The Mists of Avalon,'" Daniel explained.

"Yeah, that woman from 'ER' is pretty hot," Cameron agreed.

Daniel did the blinky-blinky thing at him for a few moments and said, "You know it's much better as a book."

"But the movie's not as long," he responded.

Rolling his eyes, Daniel turned his attention back to Vala. "Anyway if you're interested, I can bring it in for you."

"I'd like that," she said, nodding. "I'd like it _better _of course, if I could go get it myself. Probationary status notwithstanding, if your government decided I was trustworthy enough to go to Atlantis, I don't see why I still have to beg for permission to get out of this mountain for an evening…"

"I think a large portion of you being allowed to go to Atlantis was that nobody else wanted the responsibility of being your babysitter for a month while I was gone," Daniel countered.

"Can we not get into this again right now?" Cameron interrupted, cutting them both off. "I swear, Sam was right - you two are like bickering children. You're worse than Sheppard and McKay, although slightly less annoying…"

Vala looked around suddenly as though just realizing she'd lost something, and asked, "Where_ is _Colonel Carter?"

"She is in Washington," Teal'c answered, hoping they could talk about something other than Vala and Daniel fighting. Talking about them fighting was much less entertaining than listening to them fight.

"What's she doing there?" Vala asked.

"She's debriefing the Head of Homeworld Security," Cameron said, trying to decide whether, "in private," "literally and figuratively," or "in more ways than one" would be funniest. He glanced at Teal'c and decided, based on the look on his face, that maybe it would be better if he just sort of… implied it in tone of voice instead.

"Up close and personally, no doubt," Vala remarked.

"Hey, good one," Cameron said in admiration. He decided he'd made the right call when everyone clearly got it anyway, but Vala got the fallout from actually making the remark seem just as suggestive as he'd intended - namely a disapproving scowl from Teal'c and the blame for making Daniel choke on his roll - hey! something else she was good for besides bugging Jackson…

As Vala continued with, "I'm sure they're enjoying themselves _much _more thoroughly than we did during our collective debrief with General Landry," Teal'c's jaw twitched a little bit - but he seemed to get that at least Mitchell _had _made an effort to restrain himself. How, Cameron didn't know. He probably just knew because he was Teal'c. That seemed like the best answer.

And Daniel was now winced involuntarily, as he always did whenever the subject came up, before frowning. "Vala, how did you know about that anyway?"

"Well, darling, I didn't actually _know _until you just confirmed it," she smirked, patting him on the cheek.

---

A/N: I'll probably do another chapter with Sam actually being in Washington.


	2. Chapter 2

Spoilers: The Pegasus Project and the first twenty seconds of Atlantis's "Irresistible."

A/N: I wasn't going to post this since it kind of clashes with the idea of them all going with Landry in "Uninvited." But then it was pointed out to me that this story could just be over before that episode, and it would make sense.

This chapter is way more S/J than the first one too, although it is still very clean, I think.

Ch 2

_Washington, DC_

"… And you would not believe how amazing their COS is there, it nearly made McKay's presence endurable, and you would have loved the view there at night, with the… what?" Sam finally stopped, interrupting herself at the look on Jack's face.

"Nothing," he said quickly. She gave him a look. "It's just… you've been debriefing me on your trip to Atlantis for almost two hours straight and… it was a really, really long trip."

"Yeah, but well worth it! I mean, not only did we accomplish all our original mission objectives, finding the names of the planets Daniel wanted and shutting down the super-gate in our galaxy, we blew up an Ori ship _and _a Wraith hive to boot…"

She was clearly still on a roll. He held up a hand and interrupted. "Yes, I know. Very impressive. Not to mention the amount of requests I've _already_ received requesting you swap places with McKay as head scientist there."

"Really?" Sam asked, trying not to look _too _flattered.

"Yes, evidently most people would rather have you save the day without all the bragging and condescending, unnecessarily complex and detailed explanations that McKay seems to feel are all necessary parts of the job."

"What did you tell them?"

"No."

"Very succinct."

"I also pointed out that while you would no doubt be a breath of fresh air to Atlantis, and could easily fill McKay's shoes, your job here is far more complicated and you're the only one who can do it."

"I can imagine that won't go over very well when he hears it," Sam remarked, clearly amused at the prospect.

"And… although I didn't put it in a memo or anything, there are other much more obvious reasons why I'd much rather you stay in the good old Milky Way, even if you are halfway across the country or off on other planets most of the time."

"Yeah?"

"Come on, don't make me list them. You're supposed to be the genius here, remember?"

"All right. How about just one?'

"One very compelling reason for you not to extend your already incredibly lengthy commute all the way out to the Pegasus galaxy? Hmm, let's see…" He rolled over quickly, pinning her down, and kissed her thoroughly.

"Compelling argument, General," she teased lightly.

"I _missed _you," he stated in that suddenly intense tone of his that always managed to take her by surprise.

"Jack," she said, softening automatically and pressing a palm to his cheek. "I missed you too. You know that." At the slightly uncertain look in the back of his eyes, she had to stifle a laugh. "Oh come on! You couldn't tell when I got here that I was…" she cleared her throat slightly. "… very happy to see you? If you recall, I was much more interested in your very, very thorough 'debriefing' than in mine. Well, the one about Atlantis, anyway."

"Yeah. I know. It's just… never mind." He rested his forehead against her collar bone for a moment before shifting sideways to kiss her neck. She gave into the very pleasant diversion for a few long moments until he reached her mouth again before rolling them sideways.

He'd thought her movements meant she wanted back on top and broke the kiss in confusion when she stopped halfway there. She pressed a softer kiss to his mouth and pulled back enough to see his face clearly, stroking his arm until he opened his eyes again. "I love you."

"I know."

Rolling her eyes and mumbling something about all of them having watched 'Star Wars' with Teal'c _way _too often, she laughed nonetheless and said, "Okay… so why the sudden… weirdness?"

"Weirdness?"

"Well, it seemed like a nicer word than 'completely unfounded look of insecurity…' That's supposed to be _my _job, remember?"

"Nah, you quit that a while ago."

"Uh-huh. And you picked up the habit now, because…"

"You were gone a really long time."

"I missed you the whole time."

"You just… this is going to sound really terrible."

"Say it anyway."

"Okay. You were so excited before, when you were talking about Atlantis. That's the most detail you've gone into about anything since you went back to the SGC from Area 51. But it's been getting more like that lately anyway, before this long trip."

"Well, we haven't had very much to be so happy about at the SGC lately. As Teal'c said, 'it was a great victory.'"

"I know. And I'm thrilled about all that too. That's why this is so stupid and why I wasn't going to bring it up."

"Too late. I'm bringing it up."

"When you first went back to the SGC it seemed like you didn't really want to be there."

"Well, you know why that is. I didn't," she said simply.

"I know. And I know that you didn't really have a choice, but for a long time it still seemed like that. Whenever you _did _spend much time talking about a mission it was always…"

"Bitching?"

"I was _not _going to say that," Jack insisted. "I'm not _that _dumb. Complaining, maybe. Anyway… it's just different now. I mean, I want you to love your job; I really am glad that you're happy being back there again. I guess I'm just a little jealous is all. It was a lot easier being in DC by myself when the rest of you weren't off having a blast without me."

"I'd hardly call fighting the Ori a blast," Sam pointed out. "But I think I understand what you mean."

"Really? I'm doing a lousy job trying to explain it."

"But I'm pretty good at figuring out what you're trying not to say."

"True."

"I guess I _am _enjoying being back in Colorado more these days. But that doesn't mean that I don't still miss you. We all do. No matter how well we adapt to the way things are there now, it's never, ever going to be like it was when you were there. To me, or to Daniel or Teal'c either. Believe me."

He smiled and admitted sheepishly, "That's good to hear."

"I mean, think about it. In a way, there are _three _people trying to replace you there right now, and even with their collective forces they don't even come close…"

"Now you're just making fun of me," he grumbled lightly.

"No I'm not," she insisted - although she was, just a little bit. "I mean, there's Landry taking over your job as CO. He's great at the job, but he's a lot more like General Hammond than like you, and we'd all gotten used to seeing you in that office. And he's got his own sense of humor and everything but he's also still even more formal than Hammond was most of the time. I mean, he doesn't even wear the short sleeves, much less join the rest of us in BDUs like you did. Then there's Cameron, who's really only just starting to settle in really well with the rest of us. You know how much I complained at first that he was going to get himself and maybe the rest of us killed making rash decisions in the field, and he _has _finally seemed to grasp the difference between brave-risky and stupid-risky, but he had to work at it really hard. That's something you were always just a natural with. And while Cam also contributes to bugging Teal'c and Daniel where he can, Vala's actually the only person who might be doing a better job at one of your old tasks than you did."

"Vala?"

"Yes. She specializes in irritating Daniel like you wouldn't believe, and since she seems to consider it her main function in life, whereas with you it was always more of a hobby… I'm afraid she might actually have you beat there. The difference being that she frequently pisses him off so much that none of the rest of us want to be around either of them, though, so all things considered I think we'd still all rather have Jack-Daniel banter than Vala-Daniel. Hers is much more disturbingly suggestive than yours usually was anyway."

"_Usually?_ When did I ever… and Daniel and I didn't _banter, _Carter, we just… harmlessly argued in an amusing and entertaining way."

"Uh-huh. Remind me to get you a Thesaurus for your birthday. But you get my point, right? Clearly you're irreplaceable."

He tried to hide the look of relief that had been building up the longer she talked, and finally washed over his features completely, but she was glad to see it. He'd been right earlier - she was typically the insecure one of the two of them - although that hadn't really been an issue for some time now. And it actually had never really been much of an 'issue' to begin with.

Either way, she was more than happy to be able to be the one doing the reassuring for once. And although she'd had to practically force him to admit what was bugging him in the first place, now that they'd actually addressed it, they could just enjoy the rest of the short time they had together without it distracting either of them.

"You still want to go up to the cabin for the weekend?"

"Yeah. Let's leave in the morning though."

"Okay. Hey, I have an idea."

"I'm almost always a fan of your ideas, let's hear it."

"You've been missing the guys too. Teal'c and Daniel."

"Yeah. But you said Daniel's already got a bunch of other trips scheduled, on and off-world…"

"Yes. But when he's finished, what if we _all _went to the cabin? Vala and Cameron too."

"That's going to be pretty crowded, Sam…" he said uncertainly.

"I know, but we can't just exclude them. Besides, you like Cameron, and I know you'd enjoy watching someone else torturing Daniel…"

"I would like to see this so-called master at work," he agreed. "But there are only two bedrooms at the cabin."

"I know. But the twin beds in the room Teal'c and Daniel slept in before can be bunked, right? That's how it looked anyway. So we bunk those and get another bunk and they can all sleep in there. It'll still be roomier than the tents off-world."

He could tell she was really excited about the idea. "Okay, if you think we'll all come out of there alive. When exactly would all this happen?"

"We can fix up the room this weekend while we're there, but as for setting an actual time aside, I don't know. I heard Landry telling Mitchell we all needed a vacation, sometime before we went to Atlantis I think, so I think he'd be okay with it. But you know how crazy all our schedules are… it could actually take a year to make it really happen. But you'd really be okay with it?"

"As long as we had some alone time first, yeah, I'd be okay with it." The excited smile was plenty proof that he'd just said the right thing. "This weekend's just us though, right?"

"Of course."

"Good. Because you were gone for a really, really long time."

"Well, then it's a good thing that thanks to Thor we'll only have to spend a few seconds of this weekend on travel-time."

"Yeah. I really love that little guy," he said solemnly.

She laughed and said, "Oh, me too."

-------------------

_Somewhere in Minnesota_

Sam glanced out the window of the cabin, expecting to see Jack sitting in his chair on the dock, fishing. He was out on the dock, but he was standing at the edge of the water with his back to her, and his fishing rod was still propped just inside the door. She grabbed a coat, slipped on some shoes, and went outside to see what he was up to.

"Hey."

"Goooood morning," he responded, smiling at her. She smiled back and hugged him loosely around the middle - he was always, always in a very good mood up here at the cabin. Maybe it was the air.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Trying to beat my personal record." Before she could ask what exactly that meant, he pulled a small, smooth stone out of his pocket and tossed it into the lake, counting the bounces as it skipped across the surface of the water.

"I never was very good at that," Sam remarked. "See, it's all about the surface tension of the water and…"

"Ack, Carter! It's not about surface tension or gravity or magnets or anything else."

"Magnets?" she asked, amused.

"You know what I mean. It's not about anything sciencey. It's all in the wrist." He skipped another stone to demonstrate, then handed her one.

She gave it a shot, not surprised when the stone skipped once before sinking with a plopping sound. And while they both enjoyed the ensuing 'Skipping Rocks 101' lesson that ensued, mainly because the instructions were probably much more hands-on than was strictly necessary, Sam finally gave up with a laugh, handing the remaining rock in her hand back to him. "Why don't I just leave it to the expert? I'll just watch."

"My how the tables have turned."

"Exactly." She sat down on the edge of the dock, feet dangling just above the surface of the water, which was still too chilly to really enjoy, in her opinion.

Determined to use up his remaining supply of rocks before they went inside, he continued skipping them across the lake, both of them counting how many bounces each one got. "…six, seven…"

"Oh my God!" Sam suddenly exclaimed, scrambling back up to her feet next to him with that mad-scientist look that he'd always been particularly fond of. He hadn't seen it in a while though, and had no clue why it was suddenly appearing now, towards the end of their relaxing, no-science-allowed weekend. "That's it, Jack, that's absolutely brilliant! Why didn't I think of that before? You've done it again!"

"Eureka?" he supplied as she threw her arms around his neck in an exuberant hug. He tried to hug her back but it was hard because she was still so excited, practically hopping in place… in all the years he'd known her, she had very rarely hopped.

"Jack, this is wonderful, do you have any idea what you've done - this is going to be incredible! Oh, and McKay's going to hate that he didn't think of it himself…"

"Carter!"

She went still, although she was still grinning ear to ear. Well, it was good to know that still worked occasionally, Jack thought with an amused smile.

"Mind giving me a few more details about this brilliant plan of ours?"

"Oh! I was watching you skip rocks. That's how we're going to get to and from Atlantis without having to time-share the ZPM!"

"Okay… still gonna need a few more details, hon."

"The rock is the puddle jumper and the dock is Earth. We've got to round up enough space gates to spread between here and Atlantis, see?"

He thought about the analogy for a moment and said, "So, the jumper skips from gate to gate to gate."

"Yes, exactly!"

"You can do that?"

"Theoretically, yeah! We'll have to figure out how to give them accurate points of origin in their new locations after we move them around but… it should work if the Atlantis people can find enough gates!"

"Wow, that sounds… ambitious. But really cool."

"It'll be a huge project though, with everything going on with the Ori right now I don't know if the president and the IOA people are going to want to…"

"Ack, that's my job. You've made the proposal and have the full support of the Pentagon. Just do the math, I'll do the hard part."

"The hard part?" she asked skeptically. Only Jack O'Neill would consider the politics of proposing the project more difficult than actually figuring out a way to build an intergalactic bridge out of Stargates.

"Well, relatively speaking, of course," he stipulated.

"Hey, that's my line," Sam argued jokingly.

Jack shrugged. "I guess the cliché is true. Great minds think alike."

---------------------


	3. Chapter 3

Spoilers: Mild for 200

Ch 3

"This is a bad idea," Jack stated plainly.

"Oh come on, Jack. I think it was pretty obvious when you 'stopped by' with Martin that you missed the guys. Not to mention the fact that you went to elaborate lengths to inflict the practical joke that is Martin on all of us, and everyone was a really good sport about it."

"Daniel was sulking. You said he kept it up for days," Jack reminded.

"True. But still… couldn't you tell how left out Vala and Mitchell felt when you were talking about fishing and everything?"

"Last time Mitchell was here you all ended up hunting a radioactive mutant creature. And he nearly shot Hank. Twice."

Sam sighed, fluffing the pillow in her hands and smoothing it down in place on the brand new bunk bed, which made the second bedroom of the cabin rather crowded, but now it would sleep the extended SG-1 family quite comfortably - providing Daniel remembered his allergy medication and didn't snore. Time for the last resort, apparently.

"Jack, please?"

He sighed. "You can't do that again for… six months."

"Three?" she asked hopefully.

"Fine," he grumbled. "But they're bringing the beer."

"I promise you'll have a good time. Oh, that reminds me, we're sort of 'punking' Cameron, so if he asks you about file 30185, here's what you have to do…"

----------

"Are we there yet?" Vala demanded impatiently, hanging over the back of Teal'c's seat as much as possible from her position in the back of Daniel's car. She had been relegated to the backseat shortly after she'd taken off her shoes and propped her feet up on the dashboard in the passenger seat. Daniel was still grumbling about the toe-prints on his windshield.

"If we were there, the car would have stopped, and we'd all be leaping out to run away from you," Cameron said.

"That was uncalled for," Vala informed him, turning sideways to stick her tongue out at him. He was sulking because he'd lost three straight rounds of rock-paper-scissors to Teal'c and got stuck in the backseat as well. "Here, have another Starburst and stop complaining."

She handed him one of the chewy candies, which pacified him somewhat. "God, these are good."

"Mmmhmm, I love Starburst!"

Daniel and Teal'c exchanged looks and shrugged. Mitchell had loaded up on the candies at the first gas station they'd stopped at, and he and Vala seemed to think Starburst was one of the best things in the world for some reason.

"Hey, I want the pink ones!"

"I like the pink ones as well, you'll just have to share nicely, darling."

"But I can't stand the yellow ones and you like them - you should be saving the pink ones for me!"

"Don't make me turn this car around!" Daniel called, glancing at them in the mirror. "And buckle your seat belt, Vala!"

"All _right, _Daniel, relax," Vala grumped, clicking the belt, which she considered to be of rather flimsy construction anyway, into place.

Eleven and a half seconds later, Vala repeated her query. "Are we there yet?"

Teal'c switched the radio on - loud.

----------

"All right!" Mitchell said as he climbed out of the car and gratefully stretched his legs. "Finally! Here we are, at General O'Neill's cabin-o-love."

"So it _was _special alone time you were having with General Landry then?" Vala asked, patting his back with a smirk.

"That's not what I…"

"Not to mention the fact that the first person Jack brought up here was Teal'c," Daniel pointed out, opening the trunk and grabbing his duffel bag.

"Really?" Vala asked, taking the bag Daniel shoved in her arms with an 'oomph.'

"Indeed," Teal'c confirmed.

Before they could get into an all-out bantering war, the front door opened and Sam hurried out to greet them, smiling hugely. Both Mitchell and Vala noticed how much more cheery and relaxed she seemed - it was a remarkable difference. Daniel and Teal'c seemed used to it, as they both knew her better and spent more downtime with her.

"Hey, guys! Come on in!"

"Where is your truck, Colonel Carter?" Teal'c asked, indicating the empty driveway.

"Jack went to get more groceries. Burgers and hot dogs okay with everyone for tonight?"

"Who's cooking?" Daniel asked a bit nervously - Jack tended to burn everything to a crisp, and Sam had a remarkable gift for scorching things on the outside and yet leaving them somehow completely raw in the middle. It was remarkable that the two of them could survive for any length of time at the cabin alone, actually, he thought suddenly. It was too far from civilization to order take out…

"Cute, Daniel. You're welcome to help if you like."

"I need the toilet!" Vala interrupted, pushing past Daniel, who was blocking the doorway.

Sam gave her an indulgent smile and said, "This way."

While she showed Vala inside, the three men made several trips back and forth from the car to the porch unloading everything. "Anybody else think Vala's taking her sweet time in the bathroom so she doesn't have to help?" Daniel asked casually as he grabbed one end of an ice chest and Teal'c grabbed the other.

Teal'c nodded his assent, and Mitchell said, "Oh yeah. Definitely."

"Just checking."

"You all know where everything is, but you guys can fight over your beds. Come on," Sam called, waving them to the bedroom with the bunk beds. Vala was already up on the new top bunk, swinging her legs over the side.

"Daniel darling, I assume you'll want to be underneath me, just like old times," she called.

Daniel sighed deeply and tossed her duffel up to her. Sam laughed quietly and hugged Teal'c loosely, as he was standing next to her in the doorway. "I think you'd better take the other bottom, Teal'c. I'm not entirely sure the frame could support you being up top, and General Landry wouldn't be too happy with us if we squashed Cameron flat."

"Very well," Teal'c said, looking mildly disappointed - if you knew him well.

"Just like summer camp!" Cameron said cheerfully, tossing his bag up onto the other top bunk. "This is gonna be better than just me and Landry."

"Oh, we'll make sure of that, Cam," Sam promised. "We've got a nice surprise planned for all of you tomorrow."

"Let me guess… fishing, then more fishing?" Daniel asked.

"That wouldn't be much of a surprise, now would it, Daniel? Don't worry, I think you'll like it. Now, Teal'c, want to get started on one of those fantastic salads of yours?"

"It would be my pleasure, Colonel Carter," Teal'c said, bowing slightly and following her out of the bedroom towards the kitchen.

Mitchell watched him go and turned to Daniel. "Teal'c makes salad?"

"Oh yeah. You should see his radish roses."

----------

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Note: Thanks for all the reviews! I'm glad people think this is in character and everything. And I was SO happy when shiny silver grl got the Farscape joke! I think I put at least one reference in all my stories but that was the first time somebody noticed - thanks!

Ch 4

When Jack returned from his trip to the store, Vala, Daniel, and Mitchell were out front playing a game of monkey-in-the-middle with a Nerf football. He pulled in behind Daniel's car and got out of his truck, calling, "Hey, kids!"

"Think fast, sir!" Mitchell called, tossing the ball to him.

He caught it and tossed it to the current monkey-in-the middle (or space monkey, rather, since it was Daniel) to end the game, and said, "Come give me a hand with all this stuff."

They all joined him at the truck. He hugged Daniel, then shook Mitchell and Vala's hands somewhat awkwardly, although Vala tried to hug him as well. Seeing he wasn't quite comfortable with that yet, Daniel grabbed her one-handed by the waistband of her pants and pulled her back away from Jack.

"Where's T? He didn't chicken out, did he?" Jack asked, handing a twelve-pack of diet soda to Mitchell.

"He's in the kitchen with Sam," Daniel explained.

"Oh great. The last time those two were in the kitchen alone together for any length of time we almost had to call a Haz-mat team," Jack said dryly.

Daniel laughed at the memory and said, "Well, they're not trying to bake brownies this time, they're just making salad."

"Good, because we still haven't refilled the fire extinguisher from last time we were all here," Jack reminded him. At Vala and Cameron's confused looks, he explained, "It rained for a whole day. We got bored and invented a new game."

"Something more amusing than monkey-in-the-middle?" Vala asked.

"Oh yeah," Jack said. "Flaming cricket."

"What in the world is flaming cricket?" Cameron asked.

"A good way to set yourself on fire," Daniel contributed.

"See, you spray a tennis ball with hairspray, set it on fire, and get a wooden spoon or a ruler…"

"Or the oar from the rowboat," Daniel added in.

"For a bat…" Jack continued to explain as they carried their armloads of groceries inside.

Sam and Teal'c were on their way out to assist with the groceries, having heard the truck pull up. When Sam heard the conversation going on, she shook her head firmly. "You're not teaching them how to play flaming cricket."

"Oh, come on, it sounds like fun!" Cameron said.

"No," Sam repeated. "By the time the fire department gets here the place will be burnt to the ground."

"You're a mean Mom," Daniel grumbled as he passed her.

"Keep it up and you won't get any dessert tonight, Danny boy," she called, following him into the kitchen to help unload the groceries.

"You've been spending too much time with Jack," he muttered back, dodging when she tried to hit him on the arm.

"Do you require further assistance with the groceries, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked as Jack hugged him hello.

"Yeah. I got enough to feed an army for a month… or you lot for a long weekend. You brought the beer, right Mitchell?" Jack asked, looking around for the younger man.

"Yes, sir. It's already in the fridge."

"I'm very eager to try it," Vala said, edging away from the group. "Speaking of the fridge… perhaps I should go help Colonel Carter in the kitchen and leave the rest of the unloading to you strapping gentlemen."

"You all came in one car, together?" Jack asked as he, Teal'c, and Mitchell headed back out to the truck.

"Indeed," Teal'c said. "It was a very lengthy trip."

"To put it mildly," Mitchell added. "Teal'c wouldn't agree to my plan at the last gas station though."

"It would not have been in our best interest to abandon Daniel Jackson and Vala while they used the facilities, Colonel Mitchell."

Chuckling quietly, Jack said, "Well, I'm glad you all made it in one piece."

----------

The 'touch' football game everyone was playing before dinner had gotten very physical. Jack was on grill-duty, and Sam had quickly volunteered to help him so that "the teams would stay even." As she watched Vala jump onto Teal'c's back to tackle him, then saw Cameron scrambling to grab her feet hoping to add his weight and pull Teal'c to the ground, she was certain she'd made the right decision.

Daniel had to dodge out of Teal'c's way - although they were meant to be on the same team - and Cameron tripped over Daniel while he was down, so that they both crashed to the ground. They were all getting more than a little dirty. "We're gonna have to shove them all in the pond before they can come back inside," Jack remarked idly as he watched Teal'c score a touchdown, with Vala still hanging onto his back.

"I'm switching to your team!" she declared, patting his shoulder as she lowered herself to the ground.

"Very well," Teal'c agreed.

"Hey! You're trading me?" Daniel demanded, trying to brush the mud off of his shirt. "For _her!_"

"Come on, Jackson, we should be able to beat two aliens at the American past-time."

"Too bad we're playing football rather than baseball then," Daniel said, rotating his sore shoulder experimentally.

"Don't break anything, please, guys!" Sam called.

"Yeah, believe me, you don't want Carter putting a splint on anything!" Jack added. She poked him in the ribs, still rather embarrassed about that whole Antarctic debacle even after all these years.

----------

"So, Mitchell, when you were up here with Landry did he make you go bird-watching with him?" Jack asked as they all sat down to dinner on the patio.

"He tried to, sir."

"You got out of it?" Jack asked, sounding impressed. At Mitchell's nod, he demanded, _"How?" _

Mitchell shrugged. "I just told him I didn't want to."

"That never works when I try it," Jack said, looking rather forlorn for a moment. Sam nudged him under the table and he remembered his part in their little on-going joke on Mitchell. "Nice work, son," Jack said lightly, clapping him on the back and reaching for the bowl of potato salad. He forced himself not to look at Mitchell to gauge his reaction, trusting Sam and the others to catch him up later.

Mitchell, for his part, had already noticed that General O'Neill - and Sam occasionally as well - referred to the collective group as 'kids' frequently. But he'd never heard the older man single anyone out as 'son' before. He glanced around at everyone to see if they'd noticed the anomaly. They'd probably clued the General in on their prank on him, when they'd tried telling him O'Neill was his father… but they were all acting normally. And he'd played enough poker with them last time they were here to get a good idea on their tells…

He realized he was probably being a little paranoid and took a big bite of his hamburger.

Daniel almost cracked a smile when he saw that Mitchell had been unnerved by Jack's remark. Vala swatted him, hard. "Hey!" he objected, trying to slide along the bench closer towards Teal'c, to put some more space between himself and Vala.

"There was a bug on you," Vala insisted innocently.

"Uh-huh," Daniel muttered.

----------

By the time they finished dinner, the sun was starting to go down. "Perfect fishing time," Jack announced loudly as they finished clearing away the table.

Daniel and Teal'c exchanged long looks and deep sighs - neither of them was especially fond of the part of these trips where they actually had to fish. Although, by the time they finally got all six of them set up with chairs, rods, and reels, it was nearly dark.

"You don't use live bait?" Mitchell asked.

Jack shook his head. "Lures."

"What sort of live bait do you want, Colonel Mitchell?" Vala asked.

"Are you volunteering?" Daniel asked.

She made a face at him before turning back to Cameron for the real answer. "Fresh water, you usually use worms," Mitchell explained.

"Worms? Don't those live under the ground?"

"Yeah."

"So… why would a fish that lives in water want to eat a worm that lives in the soil?" Vala pressed, clearly genuinely puzzled by the whole concept.

"Well, because…" Mitchell started. He realized he didn't really have a good answer and turned to everyone else, but everyone else was suddenly going about their own tasks with an amazing amount of focus. "Never mind."

The dock was too small for all of them to safely fish off of at once, but Vala insisted on sitting on the edge and dangling her feet in the water. In fact, she was much more interested in watching minnows approach and inspect her toes than in actually learning how to fish.

Cameron and Daniel settled themselves in side-by-side folding chairs at the shoreline, Mitchell using an ice chest as a footrest. Teal'c put in fifteen minutes or so of fishing, which mostly consisted of slapping at insects both real and imaginary, then went inside under the pretense of doing the dinner dishes.

Vala started singing the oh-so-encouraging, "Just keep swimming" chant from "Finding Nemo" to the minnows swimming around her feet.

Jack tolerated it for four and a half minutes, just because he could tell it was irritating Daniel too… but Daniel was around Vala all the time - he had sort of built up an immunity. Besides, Daniel was already way more patient. Jack couldn't out-wait him. "Fish like it quiet," he stated plainly.

"I don't think they're gonna like our smorgasbord of plastic and metal anyway," Mitchell said, casting deliberately loudly.

"There's only like one fish in there anyway guys, it's kind of a moot point," Daniel contributed.

"Hey!" Jack said, sounding personally hurt by the attacks on his lake.

"Cam, if you want live bait so badly, why don't you go look for some worms now and use them all weekend," Sam suggested.

"And take her with you," Daniel said, nodding at Vala.

Now it was her turn for an indignant, "Hey!"

As Daniel, Vala, and Mitchell started arguing, Jack cleared his throat and leaned in towards Sam. "Whose idea was this 'team bonding' thing again?"

"Oh please, this is _how _we get along," Sam said.

Cameron and Daniel were having a brief skirmish with their beer bottle caps, just to prove her point, which ended in both of them laughing when an errant cap hit Sam in the back of the neck and made her whip around to glare at them so fast that she nearly dropped her fishing pole in the water.

"Cam! Go hunt for worms!"

He shrugged and got to his feet - he'd liked the suggestion from the minute she'd said it anyway. "All right," he said amiably, going inside to look for something to keep them in and something to dig with.

Vala watched as Daniel made himself more comfortable, sliding Mitchell's icebox footrest over for his own use. "You're just going to sit there?"

"Yup."

Cameron returned with a flashlight, his knife, his gun, and a Styrofoam cup. "You're going _armed?_" Daniel asked incredulously - he wasn't sure what was most incredulous - that Cameron's worm-hunting gear included a Glock and a knife you could probably kill a deer with, or the fact that not only Cameron, but Jack, Sam, and Vala all gave him their own puzzled looks, as though _he _were the one who was weird. "How big do you think the worms get up here, Mitchell?"

"I'm thinking 'Tremors,'" he said, playing along with a grin.

Jack laughed. Vala looked around for an explanation, but Teal'c - her usual pop-culture explainer, was still inside.

"Well, after your last trip up here, I wouldn't be venturing into the woods unarmed either," Jack said.

"Yeah. Speaking of which, are you coming or what, Vala?"

"Charming as always, Colonel," she said sarcastically, getting up to go with him nonetheless. "It does sound mildly more entertaining than watching Daniel alternate between staring at his feet or the water though. So how does one hunt worms anyway?"

"You're looking at an expert," Cameron said, handing her the flashlight. "Ever since I was a kid I've had like a sixth sense about finding worms."

"Really," Vala deadpanned.

"Yeah. It's like I just know where they're going to be. My dad and uncles would send me out in the morning with a shovel and by the time they finished their breakfast I'd have enough for all of us to fish all day."

"Wow, Cameron, you should put that under 'special skills' on your resume," Sam said.

"Yeah, yeah, you laugh now. It won't be so funny when I'm the first one catching fish with big ol' nightcrawlers and you're all playing with your plastic minnows."

Vala and Mitchell headed off towards the best trail, ignoring everyone calling after them not to get lost and to watch out for giant worms. After they were out of earshot, Daniel suddenly realized he was totally alone with Jack and Sam now, and it occurred to him that they'd probably rather be _really _alone for a bit. None of them got much free time, and it really meant a lot to him - to all of them - that they were giving up a portion of a very limited amount of time they actually got to see each other, to be with the whole group.

He got to his feet so quickly, he overturned his camping chair, making Jack and Sam both turn to look at him like he was insane. Or possibly drunk, although he'd only had one beer.

"I'm gonna go with them after all!" he said, a little too loudly and enthusiastically. Maybe he _was _a little tipsy after all. "You know me, I never give up a chance to go play in the dirt."

They watched as he practically ran off in Cameron and Vala's direction. They watched him go, then finally looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Okay," Jack admitted once they'd stopped laughing. "I guess this _was_ a pretty good idea."

---

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Ch 5

"I believe we should go look for them," Teal'c stated when he caught Jack glancing at the clock. He and Teal'c were in the den playing chess.

Sam was curled up in a chair reading. "We should have made them take a walkie talkie."

"Let's give them another fifteen minutes," Jack decided.

Thirteen and a half minutes later, Cameron Mitchell entered the cabin with a triumphant crowing sound. Everyone turned to stare at him. He was covered in dirt and waving a Styrofoam cup around proudly. "I told you I'd find those worms! You just have to know where to look!"

"Hey, put those boots outside," Jack objected, not wanting anymore mud tracked around the cabin than was strictly necessary.

"Sorry, sir," Mitchell said quickly, stepping back out the door to take off his boots.

When he came back in, Sam said, "Uh, Cam, not that we're not happy that your little mission was so successful… but while you were finding all those worms you seem to have lost forty percent of our team."

"Nah, they're on the dock. I better go take a shower."

"Ya think?" Jack asked.

Cameron handed Teal'c the cup of worms as he passed him. "Keep an eye on my little friends, will ya T?"

"I make no guarantees, Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c said, peering into the cup full of dirt and worms with obvious disdain.

"You're not keeping those inside, are you?" Sam called after him.

"No, don't be ridiculous," Mitchell called back.

"Good," Jack muttered.

"I'm gonna put 'em in the fridge!"

----------

Vala leaned over the edge of the dock, trying to peer into the water even though it was dark outside. "Were you serious before, darling? About there not actually being any fish in there?"

"Well, that's what everyone but Jack always insisted, until we came up here last year. It's a good story, actually. See, they found this crate on a dig in Egypt…"

"Mmhmm," Vala contributed absently, standing up and handing him the flashlight.

"What are you doing?" Daniel demanded as she grabbed his shoulder for balance and started taking off her shoes.

"Well, everyone else is inside; I thought a little moonlit swim would be nice."

"You're joking."

"No."

"Well… then you're going to be doing it alone."

"While you may be perfectly happy doing 'it' alone, as a general rule, most people would prefer another person's participation."

"Do you have to do that with _everything_ I say?"

"Well Daniel, you just make it so easy. Now, are you going to join me or not?"

"Vala… you really don't want to go swimming in Jack's pond. First of all, this is Minnesota. It's probably still pretty cold. Secondly, have you heard of pond scum?"

"No."

"Well… does it _sound _like something that could possibly be good?"

She actually stopped, halfway through taking her top off. "As much as I hate to admit it, you might have a point there. All right, no swimming." She sat down on the edge instead, leaning back on her hands and looking up at the stars.

After a few moments of hesitation, Daniel sat down and joined her.

----------

"I believe that is check mate, O'Neill."

"Doh!"

"Colonel Carter, would you care to play a game of ch…" Teal'c started, stopping when the door opened again and Daniel and Vala entered.

Soaking wet.

Vala was laughing. Daniel was not.

"Need I ask what happened?" Jack asked innocently.

"Unfortunately, we went in the lake," Vala said casually.

Sam couldn't contain her laughter anymore. She started giggling, despite Daniel's scowl.

Jack cleared his throat and said, "Well unfortunately you're also going to have to wait to shower. Mitchell's in there trying not to look like he just dug his way out of a grave."

"No problem," Vala shrugged, flouncing off towards the bedroom.

"Daniel, did you lose your glasses?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," he said grimly. "When I fell in they fell off. I tried to feel around for them but I couldn't find them."

"That sucks," Jack stated, knowing how blind Daniel was without them or his contacts.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed, getting up and taking the cup of worms outside.

"Don't worry about it too much, Daniel. Your glasses should float, and in the morning the sunlight will just bounce right off the lenses. We should be able to find them easily."

"Yeah," Daniel realized, brightening at the thought that maybe he wouldn't have to spend the remainder of the weekend with everything all blurry.

"Unless they look tasty to a big mouth bass," Jack added. "And quit dripping all over the floor. What do you think this is, summer camp?"

Down the hallway, Vala, now out of her wet clothes with the blanket from her bed wrapped around herself, started banging on the bathroom door. "You're not the only one who needs a shower, Mud-man - in five minutes Daniel and I are coming in there with you!"

"Yeah, in your dreams, Pigtails!" Mitchell yelled back.

Daniel gave Jack a pointed look.

"All right, maybe it is summer camp," Jack conceded.

"What kind of summer camp did you guys _go _to?" Sam joked.

"What, like things never got a little wild and crazy at astronaut camp?" Jack shot back.

Her cheeks turned a little pink and she threw a decorative pillow at his head.

"Four minutes!" Vala yelled, renewing her banging on the door. She then turned and joined them all in the living room, sitting down on one of Teal'c's leg, apparently oblivious to the fact that everyone was staring at her because she was wearing a blanket.

"Teal'c, darling, any chance I could get you to give the bathroom door a little nudge and get it open for me?" Vala asked sweetly.

He displaced her off his lap with a casual, "No."

Daniel saw his chance to jump ahead in the shower line, since Vala was so far away from the door, and made a run for it. She quickly caught on to what he was doing and chased him down the hall. "Daniel Jackson, don't you dare!"

Jack, Sam, and Teal'c decided to pretend the entire disruption of the two of them bursting in dripping wet had never happened in the first place, ignoring all the sounds of the ensuing struggle going on down the hallway. "So, what movie are we watching tonight?" Jack asked.

"I suggest Star Wars," Teal'c said immediately.

"There's a shocker. Sam?"

She shrugged and glanced towards the hallway at a particularly loud shriek - she wasn't sure whether it had come from Vala or Daniel. "Maybe we should…"

Down the hall, Daniel finally got past Vala and grabbed the doorknob. She wedged herself between him and the door and tried to elbow him out of the way. The door opened in the struggle and they both crashed into the bathroom loudly - Cameron letting out a terrified, high pitched yell at the unexpected intrusion. As they fell to the hard tile, Daniel grabbed the only thing within reach to try and steady himself - the shower curtain. It came down.

"Yeah, maybe we _should,_" Jack said, getting to his feet. Teal'c did the same.

So did Sam, although her intentions were a little different. "I'm getting the camera!"

---------

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Ch 6

Two hours later, the excitement brought on by Daniel and Vala crashing Cameron's shower had finally abated, and Sam had managed to take several photos that would undoubtedly be useful for blackmail purposes sometime in the future. Now, everyone was finally in clean, dry clothes, although both Cameron and Vala had donned their sleepwear early.

While everyone argued over what movie to watch, Vala set about combing out her wet hair. The rest of the group was surprised at how much swearing was involved in the process. Not only did Vala do an awful lot of it herself, but the fact that she had planted herself on the floor in front of Daniel's spot on the couch meant that her comb frequently sent water droplets splattering back at Daniel as well.

"Ohhh for cry-ing out loud!" Daniel finally exclaimed, yanking the comb out of her hand.

Jack grinned. "Ha!"

"That only took about a decade," Sam laughed.

Daniel scowled good-naturedly at the room in general, as Jack continued. "Although I think it still needs some work, Space Monkey. You're supposed to say it like one long word, not stress ev-er-y sin-gle syl-la-ble."

"Indeed," Teal'c contributed. "I believe you put the wrong em-_phas_-is on the wrong syl-_lable." _

Everyone laughed - although Sam was laughing more than anybody. Vala gave a few hesitant laughs before turning to Daniel for an explanation as to just why Teal'c's joke was so funny, as Mitchell clapped Teal'c on the back and said, "Oh you did _not _just quote Mike Myers!"

Jack nudged Sam and said, "See? I told you he liked Austin Powers."

"So this is a movie then?" Vala asked, looking around at everyone for an answer.

"What have you people been teaching this poor girl?" Jack demanded, looking appalled. "Yes, it's a movie. And the debate over tonight's entertainment has just been decided!"

"Nooooooooooo," Sam objected futilely as Jack got up to find his copy of Austin Powers.

"That line's not even from that movie," Daniel grumbled.

"Yeah it's from an even worse movie that luckily very few people have probably bought."

"You will enjoy this film," Teal'c assured Vala.

"And why don't you like it?" Vala asked, turning to Sam.

Jack and Daniel groaned simultaneously. "Don't get her started," Daniel begged.

"It's completely and utterly ridiculous, the way they just totally ignore even the most basic premises of time travel - not to mention the whole 'cryogenically frozen' bit…"

"Sam, we _know. _It's _supposed _to be like that."

"Right, and you don't have a problem with 'The Cutting Edge?'"

"That's different," Jack insisted. "That movie's just an insult to hockey players everywhere."

"Uh-huh. Well, all the same, I think I'll go take my time making popcorn. Cam, Vala, I'm assuming you want butter on yours?"

"Absolutely," Vala nodded enthusiastically.

"Who the hell eats popcorn without butter?" Mitchell asked as he turned sideways in the chair he was occupying, making himself more comfortable.

"That would be the crazy people who prefer diet soda to regular," Jack said, smirking as he started the movie.

Based on all the looks that passed between the original members of SG-1, it wasn't too hard for Vala and Mitchell to figure out that little inside joke.

"And you never put enough butter anyway," Jack continued, following her to the kitchen.

Daniel and Teal'c exchanged a quick look and Daniel got to his feet, stepping awkwardly over Vala, who tried to trip him but failed. "Jack this is one of your favorite movies," he said quickly. "I'll help Sam."

Jack shrugged and headed back to his corner of the couch. At the look Cameron was giving him, Daniel quietly explained, "It'll be burnt to a crisp otherwise," as he passed him.

----------

Sam and Daniel, who didn't much care for the movie either but wasn't nearly as appalled by the inaccuracies as Sam was, made it through the movie by playing chess as well as watching it. When it was over, it was getting late. Everyone went off to bed, Vala hanging back from the group to say something to Sam that made even her ears turn bright pink before they all separated.

"You're evil," Daniel informed her casually as they all started getting ready for bed.

"Thank you, darling, right back at you. Now, I'm assuming none of you boys mind if I sleep naked?"

"WE MIND!" Daniel and Cameron said together.

Teal'c just went about stripping down to his boxers, with only a slight raise of the eyebrow, so clearly he didn't much care either way.

After everyone had a turn in the bathroom, Mitchell grabbed the bed frame to climb up onto the top bunk. He glanced over his shoulder at Daniel and Vala's bunk and said, "Just like summer camp, isn't it?"

"Summer camp… we watched a movie with summer camp, didn't we Teal'c?" Vala called, standing in front of the bed, oblivious to, (or simply not caring about), the fact that she was blocking Daniel's entrance to the bottom bunk.

"We did indeed," Teal'c agreed. He was already settled in bed, although he did cast a wary eye up to the underside of the mattress above him when Cameron settled and his weight made the bed shift a bit. "The Parent Trap."

Mitchell laughed loudly. "You guys watched The Parent Trap? Which one?"

"We compared and contrasted the original version and the remake," Teal'c informed them. "I preferred the older version, while Vala liked the newer one."

"So are we supposed to be pulling pranks on each other? Because I've heard that if you put someone's hand in warm water while they're sleeping…"

"Vala, just get in bed!" Daniel finally said, exasperated.

"All right, Daniel, relax. You're always so impatient to get me into bed…"

He let out an aggravated sound and gave her a not-so-gentle 'boost' up onto the top bunk, brushing his hands off with a satisfied smirk when she disappeared out of sight and let out a squeak at the abrupt treatment. He was bending over to pull down the covers when she reached over the edge and whacked him with her pillow.

He caught the pillow, but she refused to let go of it, and he ended up pulling her back over the edge and had to catch her awkwardly. All four of them were soon involved in a pillow fight, not realizing how loud they were being until someone banged on the door and Jack yelled, "Knock it off, kids!"

"Sorry Dad!" Vala called. Everyone else apologized as well, but they all collapsed into a fit of simultaneous laughter after a few moments of silence, and were still laughing when they all got back into bed.

"_Now _it's summer camp," Daniel said when they'd all settled down.

"Nah, now we need to tell ghost stories," Cameron insisted.

Daniel groaned. Vala was all for it. Teal'c was already pretending to be asleep.

----------

"Did you lay down the law?" Sam asked, clearly amused. The cabin wasn't big and she'd easily been able to hear him banging on the door and yelling at the rest of her team to be quiet.

"She called me Dad! I'm not old enough to be her dad!"

"And my dad was old enough to be yours?"

"That's different," he insisted, although he didn't bother to elaborate further.

"Just think of it as part of our ongoing joke on Cameron."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I'll have to crank it up tomorrow."

---------

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Ch 7

When Jack O'Neill entered his kitchen in the morning, he found that it was already quite full. Daniel, Mitchell, and Teal'c were sitting round the table, Daniel still in his sleeping clothes. Mitchell and Teal'c were in jogging clothes, sweating, and drinking water and orange juice, so it was easy to guess what they were doing up so early. Daniel usually slept in when they were off-duty though, and he looked barely awake as it was.

"Goooood morning campers!" Jack greeted cheerfully, heading for the coffee pot. The other three men chorused greetings. "Danny boy, you look like crap," he added lightly, refilling Daniel's coffee mug before joining them at the table.

"Yeah well Sleeping Beauty snores like a grizzly," Cameron said.

"Sleeping Beauty?" Jack asked, looking at Daniel with a disgusted face.

"He's not talking about me, Jack!"

"Colonel Mitchell is referring to Vala. Who does snore very loudly," Teal'c clarified.

Jack laughed. "That racket was coming out of _her? _Man, when I passed your room going to the bathroom I thought Daniel must have forgotten his antihistamines." Shaking his head, amused, he opened the fridge and did a quick surveillance of its contents. "Omelets okay with everyone for breakfast?"

"Just don't put beer in them this time," Daniel requested.

"I'll take that as volunteering to help. You can chop the vegetables and shred the cheese. Thank you _so _much."

"I think I'll go take a quick shower," Mitchell said, getting to his feet. "And Jackson, that wasn't an invitation for either you or the chainsaw in the bedroom to join me."

Daniel put up with the teasing good-naturedly, as usual. Mitchell left them all, leaving the original men of SG-1 to start getting breakfast together by themselves.

Jack started cracking eggs into a big bowl and glanced sideways at Daniel, who was making another pot of coffee. "So, your little girlfriend's a snorer, huh."

"Yeah, well yours drools," Daniel retorted.

Jack and Teal'c exchanged looks until Daniel noticed they were exchanging looks and rolled his eyes. "Don't be a twelve year-old, Jack. She's not my girlfriend."

Jack shrugged. "Yeah, well I suppose technically neither is…"

"Colonel Carter! Vala! Good morning to you both!" Teal'c suddenly boomed, causing the two women entering the kitchen to stop in the doorway and stare at their largest teammate as though he had suddenly lost his mind.

"Well, I guess we don't need an alarm clock with you around, now do we?" Vala asked, planting herself on the edge of the table in front of Teal'c and patting him on the cheek.

"Why are we all up so early?" Sam asked nobody in particular, taking a cup of coffee lying abandoned on the counter, although she wasn't sure if it was Daniel's or Jack's. "And were you using the word 'technical' in a casual conversation?" she added, peering into the bowl of egg goop Jack was stirring.

"Funny."

"Daniel darling, you look like crap," Vala announced very loudly, sounding as though it were a serious medical problem that needed immediate attention.

"That's what I said," Jack tossed over his shoulder. "Well, I didn't call him 'darling,' though," he added to Sam.

She laughed and said, "That's probably good for all of us."

"Daniel Jackson did not sleep well," Teal'c explained, as Vala slid off the table and made a show of leaning over Daniel and examining his eyes for signs of tiredness. He tried to swat her hands away. He was feeling at a disadvantage because his glasses were still in Jack's lake, so everything was very blurry, in addition to the fact that he was tired. Vala, using excellent powers of deduction in determining that he most definitely was _not _in the mood to play, ruffled his hair before sliding over to her own chair and taking a seat.

"You're sleeping on the couch in the living room tonight," Daniel informed her.

"We'll see about that, I imagine. So, what's everyone else been up to this morning?"

"Colonel Mitchell and I have already taken a brisk jog. I find the air so early in the morning to be most refreshing," Teal'c supplied.

"See? I told you you'd love it up here, big guy! Now, nobody's aren't allergic to mushrooms or anything, right?"

Sam glanced at the bowl once more and turned to Teal'c. "He didn't put beer in there, did he?"

"Hey! Will people please stop giving away my secret ingredient?" Jack asked, holding the bowl protectively against his chest as he went to the stove. Sam and Daniel were laughing. Vala still looked a little puzzled. "And no, there isn't any," he added.

Teal'c and Sam started setting the table, which was made more difficult when Daniel did a face plant into his placemat with a groan about how tired he was, and how it was all Vala's fault.

"Perk up, Danny boy," Jack said lightly, as Vala brought him a coffee refill as a peace offering.

"Somebody needs to go look for my glasses," Daniel said.

"Yeah, you're definitely going to need to see today," Sam agreed.

"I will attempt to locate them for you, Daniel Jackson. And I am certain you wish to assist me, Vala."

It wasn't exactly a request. She opened her mouth to protest, then nodded and followed him out the door, calling as she left, "Don't worry Daniel, I'm an expert at spotting shiny things!"

As the door shut loudly behind her, Jack winced. "Look, maybe it's none of my business, Spacemonkey, but… wouldn't it be a lot easier if you just tried dating a woman from _Earth _for a change?"

"We're not dating! For the last time, it's not like that!"

"That's not what Walter says," Cameron remarked, rejoining the group. He was squeaky clean, damp hair sticking up in spikes. "Although I think the General does have a point. I'm thinking we should submit 'Vala Malduran' to the OED as an excellent synonym for 'trouble.'"

Daniel bristled at the remark enough to counter with, "You're one to talk."

"What does that mean?" Cameron asked.

"That apart from the fact that there's nothing going on between Vala and me, you're not exactly a ringing endorsement for Jack's 'dating someone from Earth would be way easier' speech."

"Again… what does that mean?"

"I say that to him a lot," Jack contributed.

"Come on, Cam," Sam said, the only other person in the room who knew where Daniel was going with this. "You seem to know all the base gossip… don't tell me you haven't heard all the stuff flying around about you and a certain pretty doctor?"

Cameron spluttered orange juice down the front of his shirt, while Jack couldn't help but say sarcastically, "The General's daughter, huh? _Smart _move, son."

"There's no moving!" Cameron yelped. The exclamation just sent Daniel and Sam laughing hysterically. Jack was chuckling as well, but Cameron knew that Landry and O'Neill were very good friends, so it couldn't hurt to be perfectly clear. "There's no… anything, sir. I admit she's incredibly… she's great. But she didn't tell anybody she was Landry's daughter for like three weeks and as soon as I knew who she was…"

"Hey, take it easy there," Jack interrupted. "You need to relax a little, Mitchell. She's Hank's kid, not _mine_." He "accidentally" let Cameron "catch" him winking at Sam as he started bringing breakfast over to the table.

Sam put on her poker face as she turned to Cameron, who looked like he was suddenly trying to do advanced calculus in his head, and asked innocently, "You okay Cam?"

"Y…yeah. Just… hungry."

"Well, dig in campers!" Jack said, patting him on the back as he sat down.

Sam headed to the back door to let Vala and Teal'c know breakfast was ready, talking as she went. "Daniel, stop making fun of Cameron."

"He started it!" Daniel played along petulantly.

"Well, he doesn't have as many years of relentless teasing under his belt as you do. So play nicely."

"You're not my real mom!"

"I don't know, she does like to go back in time every once in a while," Jack said casually.

With his expression frozen firmly in place, Daniel deliberately avoided looking Cameron in the eye, and gave Jack a pointed look. Jack continued to look clueless for a moment before clearing his throat and saying, "Uh, dig in everybody, before it gets cold."

Sam opened the door, smiling once her back was to the group, and called to Teal'c, who was holding onto Vala's legs as she stretched out over the edge of the dock with a fishing net in her hands, trying to reach something, presumably Daniel's glasses. Anybody but Teal'c would have been startled by her yell and probably dumped Vala right in the pond, but Teal'c merely waved to show that he'd heard.

"Good news, Daniel, it looks like they're rescuing your glasses as we speak," Sam said, smiling at him as she sat back down at the table.

She looked at Jack, who had his head down and was steadily working his way through his plate, then at Cameron, who was looking at them all shrewdly. "I get it. Nice try. I'd have expected better from you guys though, given your combined brain power."

"What?" Jack asked, looking up and around for an explanation with such a perfect, convincing look of "I don't know and don't even really care that much what you're talking about" that Cameron got even more… concerned.

Sam was convinced she was about to ruin the whole running gag by laughing when she was saved by Vala bursting into the kitchen, her arm dripping wet, waving Daniel's glasses around triumphantly. "Got them! You were right, General O'Neill, fishing is loads of fun!"

----------

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Ch 8

"_Why _do we have to wear these clothes on our weekend off? And will you _please _just tell us what this is all about," Vala begged.

She, Teal'c, Daniel, and Mitchell were lined up on the porch in front of Sam and Jack. After breakfast, Sam had told them to go put on the clothes in the duffel bag in their closet. They were now all dressed in camo. Sam and Jack had then pulled a big plastic trunk of something out of the back of Jack's truck and were rummaging through its contents, with the lid up to block everyone else's view.

"If you insist," Jack said. "It was brought to my attention that apparently some people get a little bored spending two straight days fishing. So we came up with something else to do today."

"What?" Cameron and Daniel asked together.

Sam stood up from behind the trunk with a somewhat unusual-looking weapon in her hand. She waved it at them. "Paintball."

"Now _that's _more like it!" Cameron crowed enthusiastically.

"What's paintball?" Vala whispered loudly, standing up on her tiptoes to speak into Teal'c's ear.

"A rudimentary form of military training disguised as entertainment," Teal'c replied, taking the gun Sam handed him with a slight bow of the head.

Jack had taken them all to play paintball shortly after they first became SG-1, a decade ago. So Daniel and Teal'c already knew what they were doing, and Cameron had played before as well. While everyone geared up, Mitchell explained the way the gun worked and showed Vala how to load the hopper.

"So, want to start with a game of capture the flag?" Jack suggested once everyone was all geared and loaded up, wearing protective eyewear. "T, you and Sam with me?" Teal'c and Sam both nodded.

Cameron looked like he would very much like to protest what he considered to be a blatant stacking of the teams. But the fact that he was facing the Head of Homeworld Security made him hesitate.

"Something wrong, Mitchell?" Jack asked knowingly.

"No, sir," he said quickly. "I'd uh… I just really wanted to be with Teal'c."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, what are we, chipped liver?" Vala asked, shooting a nearby tree experimentally, smiling in satisfaction at the little splash of yellow left on the trunk.

"Chopped liver," Daniel corrected automatically.

"No, no, no, nothin like that," Cameron insisted. "It's just… Teal'c seems to find causing me pain to be incredibly funny so I'd rather not be staring down the business end of his mad paintball skills."

"I assure you I will compete with honor," Teal'c said.

"Course you will, I didn't mean…" Mitchell sighed, then put on a big fake smile. "The teams are perfect, General. I love the teams. Excellent team-making, sir."

"That's better," Jack said.

Sam started handing them all walkie talkies. "Just in case anyone gets lost in the woods. Use channel 7 for emergency only, you guys can pick your own frequency to coordinate with each other."

"Ten minutes to split up and set up the flags?" Jack suggested, handing Daniel their "flag."

"Jack!" Daniel objected. The "flag" was disturbingly familiar - Jack had just duct taped a pair of Daniel's boxer shorts to a yard stick. And, since he had really needed to do laundry when he'd packed for the weekend, Daniel was down to his most embarrassing selection of underwear. The pilfered shorts featured a big, angry, drooling T-Rex on one leg and loudly proclaimed "Archaeologists will date just about anything" on the other.

"Actually…" Jack said, snatching the flag back. "It might be more fun to make you _re-_capture your own."

"Then we get yours," Daniel said, grabbing the flag Sam was holding. He frowned. Their flag was just one of Jack's Simpson's pillowcases tied to an old hockey stick. Strange-looking, yes. But not as humiliating as the fact that both Vala _and _Mitchell seemed to have been rendered completely speechless at the sight of his underwear.

Daniel narrowed his eyes once more at the entire opposing team - because he was fairly certain Teal'c had helped Jack get the shorts in the first place - and stalked off into the woods. Mitchell and Vala hurried after him.

----------

Everyone was way too good at paintball. After several games of capture the flag and a couple of straight elimination games, Jack, Sam, and Teal'c's team was victorious, and Daniel decided he definitely wouldn't be wearing those boxers ever again.

They took a break to reload, eat a light lunch, and rest a bit, and decided to mix up the teams. "Why don't Colonel Carter and I challenge you boys to a little battle of the sexes," Vala suggested, wiping paint off her chest and then wiping her hand on Daniel.

"Four against two? That's hardly fair," Daniel said.

"Are you volunteering to be counted a lady?"

"No, I'm merely suggesting that the teams were pretty even with even numbers. You're stacking the odds way against yourselves…"

"Sounds like fun to me, actually," Sam piped up.

Vala bounced over to Sam's side, smirking triumphantly at Daniel.

Jack, Teal'c, and Mitchell all shrugged. "All right, ladies. We'll give you fifteen minutes to go plot our demise. That's just enough time for me to have another beer!"

----------

"I've got an idea. We can eliminate them quite quickly if we stick together," Vala suggested as they made their way into the wooded area.

"I think so too," Sam agreed. "Knowing them, they'll be trying to end this as quickly as possible because they won't want any rumors spreading around the SGC. They'll split up to try to find us faster."

"And they'll assume we've split up in order to avoid detection better."

"Exactly."

"So, do you want to be the bait first, or shall I?" Vala asked brightly.

----------

They picked off Cameron first. Vala was shuffling her feet through the leaves to draw anybody's attention. The "anybody" was Cameron, who was just about to get a clear shot at Vala when he felt himself get hit from the side. Sam had fired three quick shots at him in rapid succession, peppering Cameron from the shoulder up to the neck.

"Alright alright, you got me, quit shootin at me!" he yelled at her. He clicked his radio on and said quickly, "I'm down, th…"

Vala shook her head and shot the hand that was on his radio. "Ouch! Dammit, woman!" He shook his paint-splattered hand, pointing his gun at her.

"You're dead, Cam, you can't tell them we haven't split up!" Sam said.

"Now, be a good boy and toss me your walkie talkie," Vala ordered as they edged in on him.

"What? That's not part of the deal."

"I don't believe we trust your sense of honor more than your male bravado, do we, Colonel Carter?"

"Well, I don't know…"

"Listen, Vala, I'm sorry about the 'dammit woman' thing, but that stung like a mother…"

"Don't take it personally, Colonel Mitchell. It's just that we both agree you don't want to have to go back to the SGC and tell everyone that not only did the two of us beat you four, but that you were such a lovely, easy target you were the first man down."

"She has a point," Sam said, taking his gun from him. "We don't want you telling them our strategy. Come on."

"Where?"

"You're our prisoner," Vala informed him. "Don't worry. I won't tie you up unless you want me to."

---

TBC

(At first this was going to be a separate story just about paintball, but I was getting way more reviews on the beginning of this story than I have before so I decided to combine it all into one weekend of team stuff. But since people have been asking for more Sam/Jack stuff I will add more.)


	9. Chapter 9

Ch 9

Daniel sat down next to Cameron with an exaggerated wince. Cameron was settled against a large tree trunk, arms crossed, legs straight out in front of him and crossed at the ankle as well. "Jackson," he greeted casually.

"Mitchell," he returned.

"That's enough talking, boys," Vala said, taking Daniel's gun and radio - which he, unlike Cameron, hadn't even tried to use after being shot.

"You know, being held prisoner by you two isn't nearly as much fun as some might think," Cameron told her.

"Are you by any chance wearing a cup, Colonel?" she returned sweetly.

"No…"

"Then you might want to think a _bit_ more carefully before you speak," she advised, pointing at his groin with her gun just in case he didn't get her meaning.

Cameron cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, ma'am."

Sam, who had been making sure that Jack and Teal'c hadn't just sent Daniel in as a decoy, rejoined the group. "He was alone. But Jack and Teal'c are probably going to figure out now that we never split up, so they'll be together too."

Vala nodded. "I agree. And I don't think we'll be able to keep an eye on Yogi and Boo Boo here, _and _manage to shoot the other two before they get us."

Sam nodded, while Cameron and Daniel looked at each other again, trying to decide which one of them was stuck being "Boo Boo."

They were having an eye-fight about it until Sam caught both their attention with a matter-of-fact: "We'll have to tie them up and leave them here."

"What?" "What?"

----------

Five minutes later, Vala had taken the shoelaces off both their boots, as well as their belts, and tied their hands behind their backs - then to each other's, so they were stuck back to back. She used their belts to tie their ankles together as well, then made a show of promising not to be too long, kissed them both on the top of the head, and started sauntering off.

"Sorry guys," Sam said with a shrug. "This shouldn't take long though."

Daniel and Cameron were both, by this point, doing some serious sulking. Only when they were too far away to be shot again did Daniel call, "Vala, was it absolutely necessary to shoot me in the ass?"

Getting no response, he added, "TWICE?"

She turned round and kept walking backwards, calling, "It was just such a lovely target, darling!"

----------

The shouting back and forth had, unfortunately, given away their position. Sam and Vala were forced to improvise. "I've got an idea but you're free to say no, of course," Vala said as they ran into denser covering.

"We don't have a lot of time here, what is it?" Sam asked.

"Give me a boost up into one of these trees. I'm quite a good climber. You play the bait this time, and I'll be able to see them both from much farther away and get better shots at both of them."

"That's perfect," Sam agreed, stopping near a tree with good climbing limbs. "Even if one of them shoots me, in the time it would take them to figure out where you are, you'll have shot them both."

While Sam cupped her hands and braced herself, Vala dropped her gun, put her foot in Sam's hand, and pushed off her shoulder with one hand, grabbing onto the nearest branch. She got up onto it and reached down for her gun, then climbed into a better position.

Sam kept moving so they could hear her, and hear that she was moving, and thus probably not realize they were walking into a trap. She caught a flash of movement out of the corner of one eye and ducked down, not wanting to get shot if she could help it. She spotted Jack ducking behind a tree as well, and smiled. He had much less patience than she did. He'd make a kamikaze run in a few moments and Vala would have him.

From Vala's position, she could see that Jack was close, but Sam had seen him as well. What Sam hadn't seen was Teal'c sneaking up on her from behind. Vala, from her spot in the tree, could see him, but couldn't get a clear shot at him through all the foliage. And she didn't want to shoot early, miss, and have him realize she was up in a tree - she'd be a sitting duck up there if he saw her. Well, some sort of weird, tree-dwelling duck, she supposed.

Everything slowed down to a crawl for several long, drawn out moments as Teal'c and Jack prepared to "ambush" Sam.

Then everything happened in a blur. Teal'c and Jack both charged at them, both trying to shoot Sam, Vala started shooting at Teal'c, and Sam started shooting at Jack.

It ended quickly too. Since Vala had shot him from such a strange trajectory, Teal'c ended up looking like a flock of birds with serious intestinal problems had made him their target. Sam had shot Jack in the arm once, and narrowly missed being hit in the leg by rolling out of the way. So while she had no fresh paint on herself, she did have a few errant leaves in her hair.

Vala swung off the lowest branch and landed next to Sam. They exchanged high fives and turned to the defeated men with a satisfied smirk. "Well, that was fun," Vala said.

"Indeed," Sam agreed, grinning at Teal'c - who only let her get away with using his favorite word.

Teal'c gave a half smile and bowed his head, ever the gracious loser.

Vala, _never _the gracious winner, continued. "Of course, I was hoping that the four of you might be able to present a _bit _more of a challenge, but…"

"Yeah, yeah. What'd you do with Daniel and Mitchell?" Jack asked. He knew it was all in good fun, but didn't want to encourage Vala to be _quite _so happy about their victory. He was certainly glad it was Sam who had shot him though - he'd come off with one glancing blow to the arm, whereas Teal'c had just been peppered relentlessly.

"They're keeping each other company quite nicely."

"Yeah, we'd better go," Sam said, leading them off in the direction of where they'd left Cameron and Daniel.

Jack caught up to her while Teal'c, loosely holding Vala's elbow, slowed his pace slightly to help put a few yards between them.

"Hey. You _shot _me," Jack remarked when he caught her up.

"Only once. In the arm."

"Yeah. Thanks for that."

"Anytime."

"Very funny. Seriously though, nice going."

She gave him a funny look. "Thanks…"

"I mean, uh… this was a great idea. It was a lot of fun. I miss going off-world with you guys and… this was great."

"Not as much fun as going off world though, huh?"

"Well… a different kind of fun. The 'not in danger of being killed by aliens' kind."

"Which most people would classify as 'better.' So, you ready to call it a day?"

"I don't know if any victory could top your last one. And…"

"What? Why are you giving me that look."

"What look?"

"_That _look."

"I'm not!"

"Okay. Whatever you say, General."

They walked a few more paces in silence before he lowered his voice even more so Vala and Teal'c couldn't overhear, and said, "All right, if you must know… it was kind of… hot."

"There's a nice breeze now."

"I believe you know that's not what I meant. I uh, well, it's been a long time since we ran around the woods in camo. It's… hot."

She resisted the urge to glance over her shoulder and check how far away Teal'c and Vala were. "I think playing war games all day has reduced your vocabulary to the teenaged-boy range."

"Moreso than usual, you mean?"

"Okay, you have a point there," she agreed, laughing. "Although…" she muttered to herself, thinking. She'd pretty much been thinking the same thing, but even if they all quit playing right now, they'd all just file back into the cabin for showers, then everyone would want to collapse in the living room to rest until it was time to cook dinner… not exactly the best situation for any sort of alone time.

She smiled suddenly as she got an idea, but before she had time to fill Jack in beyond her usual "I have an idea" look, they'd come upon Daniel and Cameron.

Jack greeted them with a casual, "Boys," as though there were nothing unusual about finding them tied up together on the ground.

"We need more rules for this game," Daniel insisted as Sam knelt down to free them. It took a long time, as they weren't willing to sacrifice their shoelaces or belts to Jack's pocket knife.

----------

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Note: It took a long time to continue with this story because I broke my left arm a couple weeks ago. I'm glad people are thinking this story is entertaining. This chapter sort of has a little more Sam/Jack stuff in it, but it's really just sort of incidental. I wanted this story to be like they've already been together for a while so it's not really a big deal to anybody else anymore, and make this story more of a team-fic thing.

Ch 10

"I have an idea," Sam said, interrupting the arguing that had broken out over which sort of game to play and how to configure the teams next.

Everyone stopped talking and looked at her expectantly - it was one of the bonuses of routinely saving the universe. When you said "I have an idea," people generally shut up to hear what you had to say - even if it was just about paintball.

"Since we've clearly established that even four against two, you guys can't beat us…" Hey, she wasn't going to brag as much as Vala was, but she was still going to get in a few good digs. "Anyway. It would seem that maybe we need to cut the teams down even further. I know it's not really in keeping with our usual 'togetherness' mottos but how about one game of everyone for themselves?"

"One ultimate paintball champion… I like the sound of that," Cameron said.

"Says the man who was shot first last time," Vala said quickly.

"Yeah, you won't have any help this time, Pigtails."

"Well, if I didn't need any help to steal the Prometheus, beating Daniel up quite nicely in the process I might add, what makes you think you've got a shot…"

"Hey, knock it off," Jack interrupted. He still wasn't entirely clear on where Sam was going with this idea, and he wanted to hear the rest of it.

"Obviously if we're all going to be off by ourselves we need to take a few more precautions…" Sam continued.

"And make a few more rules," Daniel contributed, rubbing his sore bum - the fact that he'd been made to sit on the hard ground immediately after Vala shot him didn't exactly help.

"So, here's what I'm thinking," Sam said. "It wouldn't be fair if, say, Teal'c picked off everyone but me and then I snuck up behind him, shot him, and won. So I think we should play more like it's laser tag. We'll set a specific time limit - say, two hours. Whoever shoots the most people in that time wins."

Daniel and Vala both raised their hands immediately.

Sam sighed. "Daniel?"

"She's going to cheat," he said, pointing at Vala with his gun.

"Vala?"

"I'm not going to cheat!"

"This from the woman who _still _has my credit card."

"I _told _you I was hiding it somewhere on my person Daniel, it was _you_ who elected not to search me thoroughly to retrieve it."

"Okay," Sam interrupted. "Everyone keep track of how many times other people hit _you, _not just how many people _you _hit. We've all got different colors of paint. So, in the event that the numbers don't add up in the end, we'll just count up the fresh paint - the rest is dried or smeared now anyway."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Wait," Cameron interrupted. "What's to stop somebody from unloading their whole hopper on one person once they find them?"

"After you shoot someone, you have to go in separate directions for at least… ten seconds," Vala suggested.

"And we'll use 7 for emergencies, and channel 1 to report if anybody's violating that rule."

"Sounds like a plan. So in two hours we'll meet up back here."

----------

"Don't you think there's perhaps a slight possibility that you _may _be acting just the _tiniest _bit paranoid?" Jack asked as Sam smashed several colors of spare paintballs onto the back of his shirt.

"Well, we want it to look like we spent more than fifteen minutes playing with them, don't we?" she shrugged.

"We're all adults here," he pointed out.

"Yes, individually we are all adults. Yet somehow when we're all together and not in some sort of dire emergency, Daniel, Vala, and Cameron all regress at least twenty years or so," Sam explained as she spread her outer shirt out on the ground and started shooting it.

"Well at least it's only those three," Jack remarked.

----------

Two hours later, Daniel found his way back to the spot where he'd been tied up before. Teal'c was leaning against a tree. Mitchell was sitting against it again, although Daniel would have thought he'd had more than enough of that for one day after they'd been tied up in nearly the same position. Vala was lying on her back on the ground, pointing out clouds in the sky with the barrel of her gun, and trying to get everyone else's opinion on what they looked like, then arguing with them vehemently when they didn't agree with her on what they looked like.

"'Bout time, Jackson," Mitchell greeted him.

Daniel glanced as his watch as he joined the group. "I'm like two minutes late."

"He's just upset because you just lost him ten bucks," Vala explained, sitting up and brushing herself off. Teal'c gave her a hand to her feet.

'How? And don't you know by now not to bet against Teal'c?" Daniel asked, shaking his head at Cameron.

"I guess that'd be a 'no,'" Cameron said dryly..

"Colonel Mitchell believed you would be the last one here."

"Oh. Yeah, where _are _Jack and Sam?" Daniel asked, switching his radio on and trying to contact them.

Vala and Teal'c exchanged looks and Vala burst out laughing.

"What?" Daniel and Mitchell both asked.

"Oh, you sweet, naïve earthlings," Vala said, patting Daniel on the cheek. He scowled at her and picked a leaf out of her hair. "Well, shall we tally up the paint splatters and see who won?"

"Shouldn't we wait for Carter and General O'Neill? Odds are at least one of them…" Mitchell began.

Daniel finally got what the look between Teal'c and Vala was all about. "Oh! OH! Ew, Vala, you're saying they set up this whole last game just to keep us busy and out of the way for a while so they could go…"

"It was fairly obvious, I thought," Vala said casually. "Don't you agree, Teal'c?"

"Indeed."

Mitchell looked a bit nauseous.

"So, now that you boys have caught up to the rest of the class and we're all on the same page, let's just see who our ultimate paintball champion is, shall we? Colonel Mitchell, I believe I shot you twelve or thirteen times?"

"Yeah, in your dreams! Try four."

"Four? Of all the ridiculous…"

"This is going to take a while," Daniel muttered to Teal'c, who nodded.

----------

When the group clambered into the cabin, each was being deliberately loud. "I call the first shower!" Vala insisted, hurrying down the hallway. As she got closer, she could hear that the shower was already running. "Okay, I call the _next _shower."

Daniel squeezed past her in the narrow hallway, his arms full of paint-splattered clothes and paintball equipment.

"Trying to play favorite, darling?"

He gave her a look and nudged open the partially closed door to Jack's bedroom, knowing that at least one (hopefully _only _one) of them was in the shower. He intended to dump all the stuff that had been lying around the cabin - some of it outside as well - just inside the door and leave. After dropping the pile by the door, however, he saw that Jack was sound asleep, in exactly the same position they'd found him in when Loki had stolen him for a week.

He was wearing boxers, and his butt was just sticking up in the air like the perfect target… Daniel couldn't help but take aim with his paintball gun, although he wasn't seriously going to shoot him… probably. It would be wrong… when he was asleep, in such a vulnerable position, completely incapable of defending himself…

"What are we doing?" Vala asked, squeezing past him to see what he was seeing.

"Hey, Jackson, what's…" Mitchell said at the same time, clapping Daniel on the back. Being jostled so much by the both of them, Daniel squeezed the trigger accidentally.

The time it took for the paintball to travel its designated path passed in a kind of terrified slow motion for Daniel. As soon as it made contact with its target, however, everything happened at once.

Jack yelped as he was awakened most unpleasantly, tried to turn around to see what exactly was happening, got his legs caught in the sheets, and had to fight them off with some very un-General-ish scrambling kicks and curses. Cameron tried to back out of the doorway, but backed straight into Teal'c, who had snuck up on them all to see what was going on.

Jack finally got free of his sheets and sat up, looking at them all in a sort of sleepy anger. "What the hell are you doing? And which one of you shot me in the ass?"

Vala and Cameron pointed at Daniel, although since both of them still had their guns on and were using them to point, O'Neill wasn't entirely convinced. Until he saw the look on Daniel's face.

"It was an accident, Jack, I swear. He shoved me. And she's just… in the way."

"Uh-huh."

Before Jack could get up and go after him - there were plenty of paintball guns still lying around, after all - Daniel decided to take the offensive. "What are you doing here anyway, Jack? Get bored with your own game of paintball?"

"Carter twisted her ankle." He said it as _almost _a question.

"Funny, I didn't hear anything on the emergency channel, did any of you guys?" Daniel asked, looking around.

Vala shook her head seriously. Mitchell seemed to be pretending not to be listening.

"She uh, didn't have to use it because when she twisted it, she had just shot me, so we were still within earshot."

"Really," Vala deadpanned. "Well, isn't that lucky?"

Cameron muttered something about going fishing and backed out of the doorway, giving in and just shouldering his way past Teal'c's impressive road block. Teal'c finally allowed him to pass.

"I can't believe you shot me," Jack said, trying to twist around enough to see his injured backside.

"You shot me in the arm with a _bullet, _Jack."

"That was at least two years ago, you've gotta let that one go, Spacemonkey."

----------

When Sam emerged from the bathroom, Vala and Daniel were both sitting against the wall opposite the door, clearly waiting for the bathroom. "Hi guys," she offered, unable to shake the thought that they looked like children sitting in time out.

"And where have _you _been, young lady?" Vala asked.

Daniel nudged her. "So, Sam, what happened? Why'd you quit the game?"

Without missing a beat, she responded casually, "Jack's knee was bothering him."

To her credit, she said it so convincingly that under other circumstances they probably would have believed her. They let her think she'd convinced them as Daniel and Vala nodded together and got to their feet.

"So, who won?" Sam asked, after clearing her throat and furrowing her brow, trying to act like she really cared about the answer to the question and wasn't just trying to change the subject.

"Teal'c," Daniel reported.

"Of course he did. Well, I'll get out of your way so you can get cleaned up…"

She was halfway down the hall when Daniel remarked loudly and innocently to Vala, "You know, it's amazing they both made it back here at all, what with Sam's twisted ankle and Jack's bad knee."

"I know, it's remarkable, isn't it?" she echoed.

Sam froze for a moment and then decided this was one of those times when it was probably better to just not say anything.

----------

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Ch 11

"Come on, double or nothing," Mitchell was begging.

"Come on, T, whatever he wants just agree so he'll stop scaring the fish away," Jack finally said.

They were all fishing while Mitchell and Teal'c waited their turns for the shower.

"Very well," Teal'c finally agreed.

"Awesome! Okay… what are we gonna bet this time…"

"How about a game of chess, Colonel Mitchell?"

"No!" Mitchell said quickly. "I'm… not a fan."

"That's surprising for someone with your military background," Jack observed.

Mitchell shrugged. "Too many video games, I guess."

"Hey, I like video games as much as the next guy… and significantly more than the next guy if I'm standing beside Daniel. But that doesn't mean chess isn't just as interesting."

Cameron shrugged rather than continue arguing with the General. "I believe I have the appropriate challenge," Teal'c said, setting his fishing pole down and heading back towards the house.

Alone with General O'Neill for what was probably the first time, Cameron glanced at him several times, trying to be discreet. "Something on your mind, Mitchell?"

"Nah… not really. No. It's nothing."

"Four negatives in one breath generally does not equal 'nothing.'" Mitchell gave him a strange look, to which Jack shrugged and responded, "Hey, you hang around with the math geeks long enough, some of it just sinks in."

"Uh-huh. Say… speaking of the geeks…" This time Jack shot him a look that was definitely on the sharp side - it was one thing for Jack to call them geeks, but nobody else, not even the new guy, had that privilege yet. "I mean, uh… speaking of Jackson and… Colonel Carter… I was just curious… have you ever heard of a file 30185?"

Jack let out a loud, fake cough and splutter, then shook his head. "Nope. Never heard of it. Why?"

"No reason."

Jack turned his attention back to fishing. After a few more moments, Cameron said casually, "So… I mean you're the Head of Homeworld Security."

"That's what it says at the top of all my memos. I think."

"So if you haven't heard of it, it doesn't exist, right?"

"If that's an existential question you should be talking to Daniel. Or Teal'c. If it's one of those theoretical quantum things, you should go find Carter."

"It was more of a classified SG-file thing."

"I only remember a handful of files by number, Mitchell. But it doesn't ring a bell. Let's drop it, okay? You're scaring the fish."

"Yeah, okay. Sorry, sir. Dumb question."

"No problem. When it comes to dumb questions you're looking at the king."

Teal'c joined them again with a book of Sudoku puzzles and a pencil. "I believe I defeated you in the car, Colonel Mitchell, and I promised you a rematch."

"Great. I haven't embarrassed myself in front of the General nearly enough this trip."

"There is still plenty of time left to accomplish that, Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c said, passing the book of puzzles to the other man.

"Oh, it's on," Mitchell declared, snatching the pencil out of his hand. "Time me, General. Uh, please. Sir."

Jack glanced at his watch and said, "Go."

Cameron started working on the puzzle, while Teal'c went inside - he had conveniently forgotten to mention to Cameron that the shower was available now, thus ensuring that Mitchell was now occupied elsewhere, while Teal'c could go occupy the shower.

----------

Mitchell was growing frustrated with the puzzle. It didn't help matters when Sam, Vala, and Daniel all joined them outside once again, and several conversations started up at once as people got new beverages and set up where they wanted to fish and everything.

Vala leaned over him from behind, peering at the puzzle. "Three there, darling."

"Don't help me!"

"Don't help him," Jack said at the same time.

"What is that anyway?" Sam asked.

Everyone turned to stare at her. "Sam, come on, you're the resident math genius. This thing's everywhere," Daniel said.

"Even I've heard of it," Jack agreed. "People in Washington are obsessed with it."

"Maybe I _don't _get out in the real world very much anymore," Sam mused. She peered over Cameron's other shoulder, flicking Vala's hair out of the way so she could see. "Oh. They're just Latin squares."

"Uhh… sure?" Cameron offered.

"You're right Sam," Daniel put in. "The name it's going by these days is from the Japanese '_Sūji wa dokushin ni kagiru,' _meaning, 'The digits must occur only once,' but they originally became popular in the sixteenth century when…"

Vala began snoring loudly.

"Well… yeah, you're right, they're basically unfinished magic squares," Daniel trailed off, realizing that once again, nobody was particularly interested.

"Which is why we never asked you to play with us, Colonel Carter," Vala explained. "Today in the car you were napping, and we figured we wouldn't pose much of a challenge and nobody would have any fun."

"Hey, I beat her at a crossword puzzle. Once," Jack reminded.

"Yeah but you cheated," Sam said quickly.

"I most certainly did not. Ask Daniel."

"I didn't help him," Daniel insisted, for what had to be the millionth time.

"Yeah but you told him to google the last four clues," Sam accused.

"Oh. You knew about that?" he asked sheepishly.

"Yeah."

"This is different anyway, Sam," Daniel said. "There's no trivial element to it - no luck. Vala's right, you'd be way too good at it."

Sam shrugged and picked up a fishing pole.

When Teal'c joined them again, Cameron shoved the puzzle at him. "I call time out. It's too loud out here to think."

"Very well," Teal'c acquiesced, pocketing the puzzle.

"Daaaan-iel," Vala chanted, snatching the hat off of his head. "You promised."

"No I didn't! I only said maybe…"

"What are we fighting about now, campers?" Jack interrupted lightly.

"Daniel promised we'd go out on the lake in the rowboat and fish from there."

"Actually, what I said was that the boat was small enough that I'm sure you'd be perfectly capable of handling it all by yourself."

"Now Daniel, be reasonable, who wants to go sit on a boat by themselves?"

"I'm guessing not you," Cameron said.

"Bingo. Well, all right darling if you don't want to all you had to do was say so." She put Daniel's hat back on his head and pulled it down over his eyes in the process, then turned her attention to Cameron. "Colonel Mitchell… I went worm-hole-hunting with you, I do believe you owe me."

"Sorry, lady, I'm with Jackson."

"Are you now? You know, I always suspected there might be something there, but Walter assured me…"

"Very mature," Daniel said, rolling his eyes. Vala smirked at him. He returned the fake smile with an even faker one.

"I meant," Cameron said, clearing his throat, "That I share his lack of enthusiasm at the thought of stranding myself out there on that boat. There's something very… unsettling about the idea of being all alone in the middle of the water with you."

"Now, now, don't go wasting _all _of your charm on me at once," Vala countered.

"And it's not exactly the Pacific, Cam," Sam pointed out.

Cameron was still adamant. "I'm an Air Force man. Know what that means, Pigtails?" Vala shook her head. "No sea legs," he explained.

"The pond appears perfectly calm," Teal'c stated.

"I don't know, though, you never know when one of those big pond tidal waves might rise up," Jack contributed helpfully.

"All right, I'll shoot you for it, Jackson. Loser gets 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' duty with Sunshine over there," Mitchell said, holding out his hand to shoot Rock, Paper, Scissors.

"Fine," Daniel agreed, sitting up straight and holding out his own hands.

"Men. It's always a competition with you, isn't it?" Vala asked nobody in particular as they both did "Rock, Paper, Scissors."

Daniel picked Rock and lost to Mitchell's Paper. "Danny boy, we know how much you love rocks, but you might want to think about picking something different every once in a while," Jack advised as Daniel got to his feet with a resigned sigh.

"Wh… oh." Daniel shrugged sheepishly as Vala grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and started dragging him towards where the boat was 'parked.'

"Convenient how you never bothered to point that out to him when you were the one beating him at rock paper scissors two or three times a week," Sam remarked.

"Yeah, thanks a lot," Mitchell echoed. Jack gave him another stern look, just because it was fun to mess with him. "Sir," Cameron added with a gulp. He made a quick decision and grabbed his fishing pole and little container of worms, jogging off after Daniel and Vala. "Hey, guys, wait up!"

The rest of the group watched from afar as Daniel, Cameron, and Vala maneuvered the row boat into the water and climbed aboard. "So… let's go get dinner started," Jack suggested to Sam and Teal'c.

Everyone got up and headed inside, all planning to contribute to the meal preparations in their own way. As Jack held the door open for everyone to file inside, he asked casually, "Hey, did we ever get that leak fixed?"

----------


	12. Chapter 12

Note: I'm trying to finish this whole story up while my arm's busted, because since I got caught playing basketball with my sling off I'm not supposed to do much else. I was kind of surprised nobody got all the Farscape jokes in the last chapter, but oh well. I hope you continue to enjoy this story.

Ch 12

The leak, it turned out, had not been fixed. It was one of those deceptively small hairline cracks, where you didn't notice the water starting to seep in until it was too late, because it suddenly started filling up rapidly, and you were already out in the middle of the pond…

When a soaking Daniel, Cameron, and Vala sloshed back into the cabin - for the second night in a row for Daniel and Vala - they merely glowered at everyone on their way towards the bathroom and bedrooms. "Don't ask," was all Daniel said.

"Wasn't planning on it," Sam said once it was safe and their three wet teammates were out of earshot. Only then was it safe enough for everyone to laugh.

----------

While they all fixed dinner, Mitchell kept working on the Sudoku puzzle whenever he could get a chance. "Take it from an expert," Jack advised, stopping with a stack of plates in his hand to pat Mitchell on the shoulder. "Don't play Doom with Teal'c, don't play Scrabble with Daniel, and just to be on the safe side, don't play _anything_ with Carter."

"Hey you get points for trying," Mitchell shrugged good-naturedly.

"Good point."

"What about you though, General? You ever done one of these?" he asked, waving the puzzle for emphasis.

"Not really my thing. I've learned just enough to follow the boring water-cooler talk in DC. Someone gave me an electronic version. I think it ended up in the last care package to Sheppard though. So me, you might actually stand a pretty good chance at beating."

Mitchell chuckled. "All right. After dinner, then."

----------

"So, I'm guessing nobody's up for a little more fishing, after your last big splash, campers." Jack smirked at Vala, Daniel, and Cameron as he passed the salad to Teal'c during dinner.

"We could play poker," Sam suggested with a bright smile. Last time she'd played poker up here, she'd kicked everyone's ass. Of course, she'd been playing with Vala, General Landry, Cameron, and Teal'c… Teal'c being the only one out of that group who had ever played cards with her before or really knew her well enough to read her tells. With Jack and Daniel there now too, she definitely didn't stand as good a chance. Although they could always just get Daniel drunk…

"No!" Vala and Mitchell objected anyway, interrupting her thoughts.

Sam shrugged. "Just a suggestion."

"I'd rather watch some of those movies in that drawer over there," Vala said, nodding towards the den. "You seem to have a much more eclectic collection than Teal'c does, General. No offense, darling," she added, patting one of his huge biceps.

"I am not offended," Teal'c assured her.

So, shortly after dinner, Vala was stretched out on the floor on her stomach in front of the television, devoting all of her attention to "The Philadelphia Story." Sam was half-watching the movie while she played chess with Teal'c. The movie was one of her favorites, so she had no trouble following it and the chess match at the same time. Daniel was overseeing the Sudoku match between Jack and Cameron, having selected one of the hardest puzzles in the book and then copied it onto a blank grid so that they'd both be doing the same exact one.

He was trying to watch the movie as well, but kept being forced to intervene as Jack kept casually trying to get Sam, sitting next to him, to help him with the puzzle.

"I'm stuck," Cameron announced finally, throwing his pencil down in disgust.

"Me too," Jack admitted.

Sam moved her knight to put Teal'c in check, then turned her attention to Jack's puzzle, leaning into him to get a look at it. She scanned the numbers he'd filled in quickly, figured out which ones were wrong, and erased them, leaving him with only the right ones to keep working with. She did the same thing to Cameron's puzzle, remarked, "Now you've both cheated equally," and turned her attention back to the chess game.

The evening progressed at a similarly companionable, easy-going pace. Jack finally beat Cameron at the Sudoku challenge, but unfortunately he so impressed Daniel in doing so that he quickly found himself challenged to yet another match. "This sucks. Danny, I don't want to play with you."

"Don't start playing favorites, just because Mitchell's…" Daniel started, quickly seeing an opportunity and seizing on it. Sam punched him on the arm, hard, as Vala turned around from her spot on the floor and swatted his shin with equal vigor, all of them clearly just as quick as Daniel on this one. "… _new,_" Daniel finished, scowling at them both. The two women turned to face the television screen again, both smiling when they knew Cameron could no longer see their faces.

"Fine, but I'm going outside so I can get this one over with faster without you yahoos distracting me," Jack said, ripping another puzzle out of the book and heading towards the back door.

Daniel quickly snatched up the book of puzzles and started one. Mitchell watched the rest of his team avoid looking anywhere but in his direction. He glanced towards the window, wondering if maybe now that the General was alone, he could go talk to him a little more. It had started off as a joke but now… well he was starting to get… mildly concerned.

"Leave him alone for a little bit, Cam," Sam advised without looking up from the chess game.

"I want to learn how to play that when this movie's over," Vala called.

"You're teaching her," Sam informed Teal'c.

"Should I win, you will be teaching her," he countered.

"Deal," Sam agreed.

"Hey, I want to learn from the _winner, _not the loser!" Vala insisted.

----------


	13. Chapter 13

Note: Two in a row... I'm trying to finish this weekend.

Ch 13

Sam finally put Teal'c in check mate. He tipped his head at her gracefully and offered his hand. She shook it, smiling at him warmly, and called in a sing-song voice, "Oh, Vala, the Jedi master's ready to teach you."

"Excellent!"

Sam got to her feet and Vala plopped herself down in her spot at the chess board. "Where's Cameron?" Sam asked, looking around the significantly emptier room.

Daniel, engrossed in the puzzle, looked up at her, blinked a few times, then looked around the room and shrugged. "I smell coffee though."

"Hmm, me too."

"Bring me a cup? Please?"

"Sure."

Sam went into the kitchen, not surprised to find Cameron in there. She was surprised to see that he was sitting alone at the table, staring into a coffee cup.

"What's wrong, Cam? Not a fan of Cary Grant?" Sam asked lightly as she went to the coffee pot. She pulled two mugs down from the cupboard and poured coffee for herself and Daniel.

"He's okay," Mitchell shrugged. "I was just thinkin'."

"Well, don't bruise anything," Sam advised.

"Funny."

Sam furrowed her brow at him for a moment, then remembered Daniel's coffee. She took it to him quickly, then went back into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, she folded her arms and studied her fellow officer. "What's the matter?"

"I've read all of your mission reports. I mean, not just the briefs and debriefs. Every report submitted by _each _member of SG-1 for _every _mission."

"Really. That's… kind of creepy actually."

"Fifteen eyewitnesses to a car wreck all report fifteen different things. I just wanted to be… thorough."

"Congratulations."

"You don't like messing with time travel."

"Nobody in their right mind does."

"I mean… you'd never let… you didn't want to use the time machine jumper thing because you were worried about stepping on a _bug _and changing the future… so there's just no way you'd ever let…"

"Uh, Cam, what exactly are you talking about?" Sam asked, feigning cluelessness. The problem was, the man was genuinely starting to look freaked. She was beginning to think they'd all taken their prank just a little too far. She'd have to have a talk with Daniel and Teal'c about whether it was time to call it off.

"When you guys got sent back to 1969... You were there for a while. You must have… I imagine you must have been very careful about not… doing anything that might change the future."

Sam shrugged. "By the time we were there and got out of Cheyenne Mountain, so much damage had potentially been done… to be honest we were all more worried about getting back home. We took a lot of risks I wasn't really comfortable with. I mean, it was so long ago… I was still a Captain, the Colonel still thought of Daniel and me as basically just geeks and Teal'c was still very much an alien…"

"What are you trying to say?"

"I was really… panicked that whole mission. I'll admit it now. I blamed myself for the mistake that got us sent back in the first place, so the whole time I was just doing my damnedest not to be responsible for getting my whole team stuck in the past permanently. There was nothing for me to _let _happen or not. Colonel O'Neill came up with a plan and told us to make it work, and we did it." She softened. "Listen, Cameron…" she started.

The ringing of a phone interrupted. She looked around in confusion. "Nobody was supposed to bring a phone…" she tracked the ringing to the junk drawer by the stove, and sure enough, Jack's cell phone was inside. "That sneaky…" she muttered to herself, picking it up and checking the display. Seeing who was calling, she flipped it open quickly. "Hi Cassie, everything okay?"

Cameron watched as Sam talked to who he knew was Janet Fraiser's adopted daughter. He knew that the girl was over eighteen now and technically an adult, but that original SG-1 still sort of retained adopted parental status over her. Cassie had recently lived with Sam for a while, or something like that. Cameron didn't really know the whole story. He had to admit, he was curious… and not above listening in on the phone call. Hey, if Sam wanted privacy, she'd just go somewhere else.

"Sweetie… I don't think that's a very good idea… and Jack's _definitely _not going to think it's a good idea. I thought you were going to come home." Sam sighed and listened to whatever Cassie was saying for several seconds. "How many other people are going? Okay. I'll… see what I can do. IF you visit two weekends a month until Spring Break… no, both… regardless. Because he's your godfather and he gets lonely in DC, Cassandra!"

Cameron had inadvertently found himself some sort of family squabble. Intrigued, he decided to remain motionless, so Sam might not remember he was there. Whatever Cassandra was saying on the other end of the phone seemed to be working because Sam was calming down, and now pouring another cup of coffee. "… Okay, I'll talk to him later tonight. Hang on, he's outside." Wedging the phone between her ear and shoulder, she took a cup of coffee in each hand and headed to the door. Mitchell opened it for her. She mouthed a thank you to him and headed outside, still listening to Cassie on the phone.

Sam made her way carefully down to the dock, glad she'd convinced Jack to put lights on the posts a few months ago. It was just ridiculously dark otherwise, since they were so far from civilization. Besides, now they could actually use the dock at night.

"Thank God!" Jack said when he saw her. "I need help!"

"I bring you only coffee and our goddaughter, nothing more," Sam said with an amused smile, handing him the coffee first. He took it carefully, setting the puzzle on his thigh to do so. They'd already taken in all the chairs so they wouldn't be blown about in the night, so his was the only one around. Sam said into the phone, "Bye Cass, love you," before transferring it to Jack's ear.

"Hey kid, what's up?"

Talking to Cassie was far more entertaining than working on the puzzle - and an excuse Daniel would easily buy for why Jack had given up. Sam perched carefully on the arm of the chair and picked up the puzzle.

She absently started fixing the mistakes in it while listening to Jack and Cassie talking, close enough to hear both sides of the conversation. Cassie was wisely not even bringing up the _real _reason she'd called, which was smart, because Sam was fairly certain it was going to take an awful lot of convincing before Jack would even _consider _letting his goddaughter spend Spring Break in Cancun with her friends. So it was good that as far as Jack knew, she was just calling for a chat because she missed them all desperately.

Finished with the puzzle, Sam got up (the folding chair was really not sturdy enough for both of them, something they'd learned the hard way the very first time she'd been to the cabin), and slipped the puzzle and pencil into the front pocket of his shirt, leaning over to hug him around the shoulders from behind. With both hands full - one holding the phone, one his coffee mug - he couldn't exactly return the hug. She kissed him on the cheek and went back inside, nearly running into Mitchell in the process.

"Cameron, what the hell are you doing? _Trying_ to give me a heart attack?"

"You _almost _had me," Mitchell said, leaning casually against the wall by the door.

"Yeah, no kidding, I almost had you knocked flat on your ass. Why were you standing so close to the door?"

"You know, earlier today I came _this _close to actually _asking _Major General Jack O'Neill if he was my daddy." Mitchell held up his fingers a fraction of an inch apart for emphasis.

Trying not to laugh, Sam said, "Um, Cameron, we weren't supposed to mention file 3..."

"Ah, you might as well save it, Colonel Poker Face. You _almost _had me. ALMOST. I get it now."

"Get _what? _Look, Cameron, you should really talk about this with General O'Neill if you're that concerned…"

"You know how I know you're lying?" Mitchell continued, like she hadn't said anything. "Because apart from the fact that sleeping with someone on a mission is something I'm pretty sure O'Neill learned not to do after that whole Argos thing… I'm also pretty damn sure that if he _had _slept with someone on your 1969 excursion, you, lady, would have been more than a little irritated with him about it. Not _just _for the whole 'ruining the timeline' thing."

"Are you trying to imply that while he was my Commanding Officer, there was anything inappropriate in our…"

"No! God, no, Sam, everyone knows it wasn't like that at all. But that doesn't mean you'd have been just hunkey-dorey with him playing Captain Kirk right in front of you."

"Actually, I believe he was playing Luke Skywalker in 1969," Sam put in.

"Whatever. You get my point. I'm definitely not the world's greatest expert at what women are thinking or anything but I'm pretty damn sure that if General O'Neill _were _my father, you'd at least be… irked… about the situation enough to _not_ be joking around about it." Giving a self-satisfied smirk, Mitchell grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and headed back into the living room to join the group.

Sam shook her head for a moment and started rinsing out her coffee mug in the sink. Jack came back inside, stuck the phone back in the drawer, and stepped up behind her, snaking an arm around her to add his coffee cup to the sink. "Cassie sounded really happy," he reported happily.

"Mmhmm."

Wondering why her attention was already off Cassie and on something else, he turned her around to face him.

She reached back and shut off the water, shaking her head in answer of the unasked question. "Nothing, I just think my bluff got called."

He frowned for a moment. "You guys started up a poker game after I went outside?" he asked.

"Nope. Our collective big bluff? On Cameron…"

"Oh, that. You sure?"

"I'm pretty sure. We really had him going for a while but he seems annoyingly, reasonably sure of himself again."

"Well, you never know. Maybe we can change his mind again."

Sam shrugged. "It was getting a bit out of hand anyway."

"So what happened? He figure out your poker face?"

"Not exactly. Apparently, he decided that if you really _had _impregnated his mother on a mission, for some reason I wouldn't find it very funny."

"For some reason?"

She slipped her arms his neck and kissed him.

"Oh, that," he smiled.

"Yeah, _that." _

----------

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

Ch 14

Daniel ran towards the back door excitedly, waving his finished puzzle in the air. "Jack! I won! I'm done with the…"

The back door in question was through the kitchen. And while the kitchen did go by in a bit of a blur due to how quickly Daniel was moving, he did register two specific blurs that it took a second to catalogue. When he did, after stopping just outside the door for a puzzled moment, he came back inside and slammed the door loudly, since his first entrance had failed to draw either Jack or Sam's attention.

Sam and Jack broke apart a little too reluctantly for Daniel's taste, and turned to look at him. "Daniel," Jack greeted casually.

"Guys, seriously? We just prepared dinner on that counter," Daniel grumbled. True, they had really only been kissing… well, for the most part. But at least they still had all their clothes on. Although as the thought occurred to him, he shuddered to think that there very well might be other counter-top… encounters… from _before _they'd just prepared dinner there…

He grimaced as he was suddenly bombarded with all sorts of images he really didn't want in his head. After all, Sam was like a sister to him, and Jack was like… well, until Daniel had become aware of the whole thing that had always been between Sam and Jack, he would have said Jack was like a brother to him. That just made their whole pseudo-family even more dysfunctional than it already was though, so Daniel had tried to steer clear of any such analogies for some time now. Even when it was only in his own head. He was happy for them and everything… but he was also incredibly grateful that for the most part neither of them were really big fans of public displays of affection. They were generally pretty private, which was understandable given how ridiculously nitpicky anyone remotely related to the Air Force had been about the status and nature of their relationship for the better part of a decade...

"Danny? You suddenly lapse into kel-no-reem or something?" Jack asked, interrupting Daniel's rapid thoughts.

"What? No. Sorry to interrupt. I was just… looking for you. I finished the puzzle," he said, holding up the paper in his hand as evidence.

"Great," Jack said, pulling his own out of his pocket casually. "What took you so long? Mine's been done for ages."

Watching Daniel's face fall oh-so-slowly in disappointment, in such similarly frivolous situations, was truly one of Jack's chief joys in life.

"Really?" Daniel asked suspiciously, snatching the puzzle out of his hand and comparing it to his own. "How long have you been done with this?"

Jack shrugged. "I was just about finished when Sam brought the phone out so I could talk to Cass… about fifteen minutes, maybe."

Sam had to hide a smile - Jack hadn't even really lied. He'd just said, 'Mine's been done,' not 'I finished it.'

"Well… you were out there doing it all by yourself. I had to try to tune out Teal'c teaching Vala how to play chess. _And _Cameron trying to get me to play video games, so it wasn't really fair…"

"Video games?" Jack asked, perking up.

"He was outvoted," Daniel informed him. "They're picking out another movie. I think you guys created a monster. Vala's looking through all those old movies for more Katharine Hepburn. Because I guess she just isn't enough of a chatterbox by herself, she's got to find some sort of Earth role model or something."

"So you're going to hide in the kitchen?" Sam asked.

"No. I'm supposed to be making enough popcorn for everybody."

"Oh we're really gonna watch this one?" Jack asked.

"I guess so," Daniel said.

"I better go claim my spot." He hurried towards the den, only to find that Mitchell was at one end of the couch, Teal'c was in one of the two chairs, and Vala was stretched out along the rest of the length of the couch, using the arm rest like a pillow, her long hair hanging down over the opposite side of the arm rest.

Jack watched for a few moments, debating whether or not he should boot her out of the way, but so far, for whatever reason, she hadn't really decided to focus her attention on him yet. And judging by how good she was at pissing off Daniel, Jack wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. So, as he watched Cameron repeatedly shoving Vala's feet off his lap, only to have her immediately put them back, digging a toe into his abdomen or thigh every now and again for good measure in some sort of half-hearted fight, Jack decided to just leave them be, and take the other big chair. At least it was the one with the ottoman.

Cameron finally gave up and "compromised" by holding her feet still, so at least she wasn't bothering him with them too much anymore.

"So kids, what's next?" Jack asked, toeing off his shoes and propping his legs and feet up on the ottoman.

"Vala and I have chosen 'Bringing Up Baby,'" Teal'c said, picking up the remote and turning on the DVD player.

"Never seen it," Mitchell said.

"It's a good one," Jack admitted. "The real entertainment is how pissed off Danny-boy gets about the inaccuracies with the dinosaur stuff though."

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.

"Huh? Dinosaurs?" Mitchell asked, confused as to what a dinosaur might be doing in a screwball comedy from the early forties.

"Just wait," Jack advised.

A few minutes later, Sam and Daniel came in carrying bowls of popcorn and drinks for everyone who didn't already have one. Sam handed one bowl of popcorn to Teal'c while Daniel scowled at how much space Vala and Cameron were taking up. "Sit up," he insisted.

"I'm so comfortable, darling," Vala objected.

Daniel shrugged, deliberately placed the bowl of popcorn and the two drinks he was carrying on the coffee table, and just as deliberately sat down on top of Vala.

She let out a wonderfully overdramatic "Oomph" sound and started trying to push him off, but since he was sitting on her legs and hips she couldn't really get any leverage. "Dan-iel!"

He finally got up, not wanting to actually hurt her, and took hold of her arms when she held them up, pulling her up sitting sideways on the couch as she muttered, "Fine, have it your way then."

He sat down in the remaining corner of the couch and made himself comfortable, taking his time and smiling smugly in the process, as Vala leaned over to get the popcorn and one of the beers Daniel had brought.

"Okay, we're all here," Vala insisted, swiveling around to sit cross-legged on the center couch cushion so she could hold the popcorn in her lap and eat it without choking.

"What are we watching?" Sam asked as Teal'c started the movie. Sam had the remaining bowl of popcorn and had taken up residence in the big chair with Jack, wedged between him and the right side of the chair.

"Bringing Up Baby," Jack supplied.

"Great," Daniel objected. "And the 'brontosaurus' that doesn't exist, with an inter-costal clavicle about the size of a gorilla's…"

Vala and Mitchell started laughing.

"What?" Daniel asked, clueless to the fact that Jack had already predicted his reaction. He looked to Sam for help, but she was laughing too. He scowled at her.

"Hey, I had to keep my mouth shut during Austin Powers," she reminded him.

"All right," he grumbled, taking a big handful of popcorn. Vala patted his arm sympathetically.

As the movie began, Jack looked down at the top of Sam's head where it rested on his shoulder, both mildly surprised and pleased that she'd sat in the chair with him in front of everyone else. She was perfectly comfortable and relaxed around Daniel and Teal'c, of course - hell, she'd even done the head-on-the-shoulder thing a couple of times right in front of Teal'c years ago when Jack had still been in charge of SG-1 and they'd been in the field. But it had taken her a long time to even tell Mitchell and Vala why she wasn't haunting the base twenty-four hours a day like she'd always been rumored to do, let alone wanting to start doing things with them socially.

----------

By the time the movie was over, Daniel and Cameron were both sound asleep - Cameron with his mouth open and drooling, even. Sam was very groggy, but still awake. Teal'c had watched the entire movie with his usual focus, never taking his eyes from the screen once. Jack had kept his chuckling to a minimum once he realized Sam was dozing off. Vala had not.

As soon as the popcorn was gone she'd stretched out along the length of the couch again, not caring that there were two other people sitting on it. She currently had her head on a throw pillow on Daniel's lap and the bottom half of her legs and feet in Cameron's. the funniest thing was that in his sleep Cameron had hugged her bent legs to his chest awkwardly, like a substitute for a childhood teddy bear or blankie. Teal'c got up to stop the movie when it was over, and took a few pictures of Cameron sleeping like that, for blackmail purposes, of course. He made sure to get at least one good one showing the drool trickling out the side of Mitchell's mouth.

Teal'c's actions woke Sam up a bit more, and she watched them all in amusement as Vala made a halfhearted kick in Teal'c's direction. The motion made Cameron wake up with a start. "Gettemoffme," he mumbled, rubbing his face and making a swatting motion. So he was not only sound asleep, but dreaming.

"Get what off of you, darling?" Vala encouraged, shooting Teal'c an amused look as she pulled her legs out of Cameron's lap and sat up.

"Butterflies. They're all over," he answered in a pitiful voice.

Sam, still quite sleepy herself, started giggling.

Between that and Teal'c continuing to take pictures, that did it. Cameron suddenly woke up enough to realize where he was and peeked around his fingers cautiously. "Let's all pretend whatever I just said I didn't really say, okay?" he asked, wiping the corner of his mouth discretely.

Vala patted him on the cheek reassuringly. "Of course, Colonel Mitchell. You go on to bed now. Teal'c will go with you and keep you safe from all those nasty butterflies."

He narrowed his eyes at her but wasn't alert enough to think of a comeback, so he just let Teal'c help him to his feet and headed off towards the bathroom. Teal'c nodded to all of his remaining companions and said, "Good night."

The three who were awake chorused goodnights back to him, and he was gone as well. Vala turned to Daniel, biting her lip and looking at him as though trying to decide just how unpleasant she was going to make this wake-up process.

He'd taken off his glasses and set them on the arm rest, so she picked them up and tucked them into the neckline of her tee-shirt for safekeeping, then ran her fingernail lightly from between his eyebrows down to the tip of his nose. His nose twitched a bit, so she repeated the motion a few times, waiting for it to tickle enough to wake him up. She wasn't prepared for it to make him sneeze.

Jack let out a full belly laugh when Daniel sneezed all over Vala, who had been leaning in very closely to his face. Vala made the most stunned and disgusted all-at-once face that Jack had ever seen, and between Jack's loud laughter and the giggles Sam had started again, Daniel was blinking around in confusion trying to figure out what he'd done that was so funny. He was even more confused when Vala started wiping off her own nose and face on his shoulder. "What the hell are you guys doing?" he finally asked.

"Ah, Spacemonkey," Jack said affectionately, his laughter dying down. "You never cease to amuse me."

Vala bid Jack and Sam a dramatic goodnight before glaring at Daniel once more and flouncing off. Daniel watched her go, still confused, and decided he was too tired to care what Jack and Sam were laughing at anyway, or why Vala was being… Vala. He was too tired to think of it as anything else.

Getting to his feet, he looked around for his glasses and ended up turning completely around in circles three times before Sam finally said, "Daniel, Vala's got them."

"Of course she does," Daniel mumbled.

"Hey if you're gonna get back at her, don't do the hand in the bucket of warm water thing," Jack said. "We just _got _that bed."

"You know, now that you mention it…"

"_No, Daniel," _Sam and Jack both said, more seriously than before.

"All right, fine. You're the meanest mom and dad in the world," he informed them with a pretend pout, before leaving for bed as well.

Sam decided in light of that remark - joking though it had been - that now might not be the best time to bring up Cassie's Spring Break plans.

"Oh, he's so asking for it now," Jack said once they were alone. "Get that brilliant scheming brain of yours in gear, Carter."

"You just told him _not _to prank Vala and now you want to do something to him?"

"Yup."

----------

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

Ch 15

Seeing as how they were at his own cabin, Jack quickly determined that it would be best to restrict any and all pranking to the tried and true, simple, "harmless" tactics used by campers everywhere for decades. And, as Sam reminded him, the fact that the fire extinguisher was empty also had something to do with it. He decided to resort to an old, favorite stand-by, the shaving cream in the hand trick.

After everyone else had gone to bed, Sam had woken up a bit more and decided to continue the theme of the movie night, and put in the only other black and white movie they had left at the cabin, "Woman of the Year."

While she was up putting the movie in and clearing away the empty popcorn bowls, Jack slipped away to the bathroom and got his shaving cream. He needed something to tickle Daniel's nose with, so after looking around quickly for something with a long reach to it, he settled on Sam's shower spongy thingy. He glanced down the hallway to make sure the coast was clear, and nudged the door to the second bedroom open carefully. Everything was quiet inside, just a chorus of even breathing.

He knew from earlier conversations that Daniel was sleeping on one of the bottom bunks, with Vala on top. He let his eyes adjust for a moment and tried to determine which bunk was which. He caught sight of a bra hanging over the railing of the bunk against the left wall, and determined that must be Vala's. So, getting down on the floor, he crawled over to the target bed in stealthy mode on his elbows and reached up, filling the hand resting near the edge of the bed with the foamy shaving cream, staying on the floor in case Daniel woke up and he had to roll under the bed to hide.

After a few moments, there was no movement, so he reached up again with the loofa-thingy, using all his finely-honed field skills to estimate where Daniel's face and nose must be. He brushed the loofa against the face in question lightly a few times before he heard the rustling of blankets indicating that his target had reached up to scratch his face.

Then, before he could be caught, he quickly crawled out of the room and scrambled to his feet in the hallway, ducking back into the bathroom to put away his supplies. He was mildly surprised when he peeked out of the bathroom door again that Daniel wasn't stumbling out the door covered in shaving cream yet. Maybe it was taking him a while to find his glasses or the light… Jack took the opportunity to hurry back into the living room.

He practically dove onto the couch next to Sam, who squeaked when he overshot his mark just enough to sort of squash her against the cushions. "I'm already awake, you didn't need to… oh, God, you really did it, didn't you," she stated as they squirmed around to get comfortable.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he assured her.

"Uh-huh."

He reached over her and grabbed the Sudoku book off the coffee table.

"You're not sick of that thing already?" Sam asked.

"I'm curious as to how fast you can really do this, hon."

She rolled her eyes. "There's not even any math involved, it's just logic patterns. The numbers could just as easily be letters or random pictures."

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"You spent the night making the exact opposite claim."

"That's different. Come on, you know you're just a little curious as to how badly you could beat the rest of the guys who've been playing. I flipped through the book earlier. Daniel's got the best time - just over six minutes. I bet you can get it in two."

"TWO? Jack, I was practically asleep a few minutes ago."

He made a show of switching his watch over to stopwatch mode and handing her a pencil.

"Okay. I'll do this _once,_" Sam said pointedly. Jack nodded and said, "Go!" as he started the watch.

----------

"Done," Sam said.

Jack stopped the watch and raised both eyebrows, whistling quietly. "Two minutes and eleven seconds. Very impressive. Can I see that?"

She shrugged and handed over the book, turning her attention back to the movie, which was far more entertaining.

Jack had deliberately chosen the last puzzle in the book, so that whenever the rest of SG-1 worked their way through the whole book, they'd get to the last puzzle, in the 'genius' section, see Sam's awesome time, and know that she wasn't even into the game in the first place… it would be good. Jack wrote her time on the puzzle, along with her name and the date, and then tried to make it all official looking, signing his rank and name next to it. Then, just for good measure, he drew arrows all around the time, so it couldn't be missed.

Sam noticed what he was doing and rolled her eyes. "They're not sucking you into their latest obsession, are they?"

"Not a chance," he assured her, closing the book and setting it back where it had been. "Besides, I'm onto you. You don't want to play with them because they'll do that thing where Mitchell pokes fun at you for being so insanely smart. That's why you won't play with any of them."

"Oh, really? So what made me decide to play with you?"

"Because I don't think it's weird; I just think it's hot."

"I'm pretty sure that makes _you _the weird one."

"Perhaps," he conceded.

"So. _Now _can I watch the movie, or do you want me to go slap together a makeshift stargate?"

He chuckled. "Nah, we might need the toaster at breakfast tomorrow."

----------

Ten minutes later, Teal'c came into the den, nodded at them, and went into the kitchen. That wasn't unusual - even though he slept now, he still didn't sleep as much as the rest of them usually did. And he also ate a lot more than they usually did, too, so it wasn't unusual when they heard him rummaging around in the cupboards.

However, when he walked past them with his arms full of peanut butter, honey, and eggs, and went back into the bedroom without even looking at them, Sam turned around so she was facing Jack instead of the television and said, "Please tell me you didn't accidentally prank Teal'c instead of Daniel."

His eyes widened. "Uh… which bed was Daniel in?"

"The one by the window, I think."

"Crap," Jack stated succinctly.

Sam sighed and moved to get up, but Jack stopped her, wrapping an arm around her firmly and pinning her back to the couch. "They're going to start a war in there if we don't go stop him," she said.

"Exactly. He clearly thinks it was one of them. And I learned my lesson about pranking Teal'c the hard way, remember?"

Sam laughed. "Yeah. I still don't know how he managed to move you and your bedroll five clicks away from camp without any of us noticing. Not to mention without waking you up."

"He put me in the village square! And hid an open energy bar in my sleeping bag so I woke up with one of those yellow pig-cow things rooting around for it and even the village idiot laughing his ass off at me!"

Sam was still laughing quietly at the memory, but she had to admit, Jack had a good point. Jaffa revenge was not something to be taken lightly, even in a prank war. "Maybe we should go on to bed," she suggested.

Jack nodded. "Excellent plan, Colonel."

They quickly switched off the TV, DVD, and lights, and retired to their own room to remain completely oblivious to the prank war they had just inadvertently brought on in the next bedroom.

----------

Teal'c quickly determined that Cameron Mitchell had most likely been behind the juvenile prank that had just been pulled on him. Daniel Jackson would never pull a prank against him, unless perhaps he was coerced by O'Neill. Even then, Daniel Jackson was only likely to retaliate, not initiate an attack on his own. Besides, was it not Colonel Mitchell who had suggested camping pranks upon their arrival at the cabin?

While Teal'c did not put pulling such a prank past Vala Maldoran, he thought that she would be more likely to ask for his help in pulling a prank on either Daniel Jackson and Colonel Mitchell, not single him out as a target first. Besides, she had been exposed to far less Earth culture than he had, and he suspected she was unaware of the traditional shaving cream prank he had just been exposed to. This brought him back to Colonel Mitchell, who was sleeping above him.

Teal'c suspected he was pretending to sleep, to avoid detection. So when he returned with his supplies, he got back in bed and waited for some time. When he was convinced Mitchell was truly asleep, he set about enacting his plan for revenge.

He had seen on "The Parent Trap," several campers using honey to cover fellow campers while they slept. He knew this would be difficult to wash off. Additionally, the sticky substance would help ensure that the second part of his plan worked.

Colonel Mitchell had filled Teal'c's hand with shaving cream. Teal'c decided to put a raw egg, coated on the fat bottom half with honey and peanut butter, into each of Mitchell's hands. He would then try tickling Mitchell's face as well. If that did not make Mitchell smash the egg onto his face, Teal'c was considering pricking him lightly with a pin, so he would think he had been bitten by a mosquito in his sleep. As he formulated this plan, he ate some peanut butter from the jar.

Once he determined that Mitchell was asleep and everything was in place, he dipped his eggs in the peanut butter, then smeared them with honey. He maneuvered Mitchell's hands so they were both resting palm up, and placed the eggs carefully in his palms. The peanut butter honey mixture ensured that they wouldn't roll out of his hand before he could smash it against himself.

Then, after he saw that Mitchell was once again sleeping shirtless, Teal'c couldn't resist. He had always found Mitchell's amount of chest hair to be somewhat alarming. And honey would be most inconvenient for someone with that much hair on his chest. Teal'c pulled the covers down to Mitchell's stomach and drew a large Apophis symbol on his teammate's chest.

Smiling to himself, he then held the honey bottle up high do that it would drizzle more noticeably, and drizzled honey onto Mitchell's nose until the younger man attempted to scratch his nose, smashing the egg in his right hand onto his nose and face in the process.

He then brought his other hand up to his face to feel what was going on, since the crunching and gooey feeling had penetrated his sleeping brain as something terrible - like a broken nose - and smashed the other egg as well. While he tried to figure out what had happened to him, spluttering awake, spitting egg and honey out of his mouth, Teal'c slipped back into his own bed. Mitchell was too distracted by his own plight to notice.

Teal'c was still smiling to himself when Cameron finally climbed out of his bunk and stumbled across the hall to the bathroom to try to clean himself up.

----------

As Cameron showered in the middle of the night, trying to get all the egg and honey and peanut butter off of himself, he plotted his revenge. Against who, he wasn't sure. He was considering getting all of them, just to be sure. Well, all of his roommates, at least. He was fairly certain that Jack and Sam had way more entertaining things to do than pull pranks all night.

While he showered, he thought about all the pranks he'd pulled on people - at camp, the Air Force Academy… holidays with all his cousins… there were a lot to choose from. The problem was he didn't want to risk accidentally pranking the General - or Sam, by messing with something in the kitchen or bathroom. This left only a few things he could do to them while they slept. And he'd have to try to find the proper supplies - or improvise.

By the time he finished showering, he had a plan.

----------

TBC

Note: I know the Sudoku time seems ridiculously fast, but I swear that's my mom's high score.


	16. Chapter 16

Note: I couldn't get this story finished last weekend (obviously.) But I'm glad so many people are liking it. I will try to have it finished by the end of _next _weekend. On a whole different note, I finally got a new hamster. I named him Teal'c.

Ch 16

When Jack woke up in the morning, he immediately wanted to go back to sleep. It wasn't that he was especially tired, it was just that today was the last day of their long weekend together at the cabin. Tomorrow morning he'd be waking up alone in his DC apartment, rather than at his favorite place in the world, next to his favorite person in the world, down the hall from two of his other favorite people (plus the other two that were growing on him pretty quickly.)

So, in some futile effort to avoid the day actually starting, he refused to even open his eyes. Sam was still asleep, and he couldn't hear anybody up and about in the rest of the cabin anyway.

The plan was working smoothly, until he heard a door slam down the hall, followed by the sounds of someone running, another door slamming, then a lot of other slamming and scuffling and crashing sounds that got harder to identify as they got further and further away. These sounds were accompanied by some inarticulate screams. Then the real noise started. Vala and Daniel were screaming for help from another room.

Sam had groaned at the first slam of the first door and seemed to have the same idea as Jack, because she tried to burrow underneath her pillow. When the noises just continued and got louder, she gave up, and turned to look at him with a tired look of defeat. "What the hell are they _doing?_"

"I don't know. You've got the right idea though, let me in." He pulled the pillow back over both their heads and continued. "But they're big boys and girls. I say we just let them all sort it out themselves."

Sam knew that wasn't really the best course of action, but at the moment, it was definitely the most appealing. "Good idea," she agreed.

It turned out they could only pretend to ignore Vala and Daniel's pleas for help for about thirty seconds. "Okay, with those four around, we are definitely going to need a bigger cabin when we actually have _real _children," Jack observed as he pulled on some sweatpants so they could all see what the fuss was about.

"I think… aaaaaaahhhh!" Whatever Sam had been about to say was cut off by her scream when something hit the window loudly. She pulled up the blinds and saw that it was a paintball. Luckily the windowpane hadn't broken.

"What's going on out there?" Jack called, as Sam peered through the widow around the paint smear.

"Oh, just Teal'c chasing Cameron around in his underwear, shooting at him with one of the paintball guns," Sam said casually, as though remarking on the weather.

"Which one's in his underwear?" was Jack's only question.

"Cameron. That poor guy is _always_ losing his pants. Oh - he's found his own gun now, but he's still on the run…"

"Why is Teal'c chasing him anyway?"

"I don't know… there's something hanging off one of his arms though. I can't tell from here but it looks like duct tape or something."

"Come on, let's go shut up the other two," Jack suggested.

Sam nodded and they followed Daniel and Vala's cries for help to the other bedroom. Upon entering, they both tried very hard not to laugh, but found it utterly impossible.

Daniel, and Vala on the bunk above her, had both been tied to their beds. And judging by the huge tangled wads of duct tape on the other bed, so had Teal'c, although the big guy had evidently been able to work his way free. Mitchell had been busy all night, it appeared.

He'd evidently run out of duct tape halfway through taping Daniel to the bed, because he was wrapped in the silver stuff up to his knees, then the rest of him was secured with what Jack recognized as an old boat rope he'd had lying in the front closet.

Vala was tied up with another rope, along with what looked like nearly a whole spool of fishing line.

They'd both finally stopped screaming when Jack and Sam finally came to help them and just began pleading to be set free.

"Now, now, calm down kids," Jack said calmly, looking around for something to free them both with.

Sam just leaned in over Daniel in the bottom bunk, to begin working at the big messy knot tying all the rope together, when she finally got a look at his face for the first time.

She was so taken aback that she screamed too, jumped, and banged her head on the top bunk. "Ouch!"

Jack suddenly appeared next to her in Daniel's field of vision, trying to make sure Sam was okay. "I'm fine," she said absently as he rubbed the top of her head.

"Hello?" Daniel interjected impatiently. "I'm sorry you lightly bumped your head and all, Sam, but if you guys don't mind I could really use your help, IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE!"

"Speak for yourself!" Vala called from her bunk. "I _really _need to use the toilet! And Daniel, just curious, are you covered in worms as I am?"

"What?" all three people in the bottom bunk chorused. Jack stood up straight again and peered up into the top bunk. Mitchell had scattered his remaining dirt and worm collection neatly down Vala's torso. He laughed - he couldn't help it. "Gotta give him points for… well, grossness, I guess," Jack said. "He really did cover her in worms."

"How unbelievably childish," Daniel said.

"Did he write on her face too?" Sam called.

This time it was Daniel and Vala's term for a collective, alarmed, "WHAT?"

"Did he?" Vala demanded.

"Nope," Jack reported.

"What did he write on me?" Daniel asked frantically, turning to Sam for an answer.

"Um, well, maybe you'd better see for yourself," Sam said hesitantly. Truthfully, there just weren't words to describe it adequately.

"Well get me a mirror!" Daniel insisted.

"I believe being covered in dirt and worms trumps letting you have a look at your face!" Vala insisted. "General, I hate to be a demanding houseguest and all, but would you _possibly _be able to stop staring and laughing and get these disgusting creatures off me!"

"Help her," Sam added when Jack still didn't move, swatting his leg.

He ducked back into Daniel's bunk with them and said, "I'll trade you hostages."

"Why?" Sam asked, confused. Jack always said he didn't like bugs but she'd never known him to be squeamish about worms.

"They're on her…" Jack completed the sentence by gesturing at his own chest.

Daniel muttered something, while Sam just laughed and climbed out of the bunk to help Vala, leaving Daniel to Jack.

Fifteen minutes later, they were both finally free. Daniel immediately ran into the bathroom, because nobody would tell him what had been done to his face.

He leaned in close over the sink so he could see, because he didn't have his glasses, and gaped at his own reflection. Mitchell had turned him into an angry bunny-like animal - or something. First, he'd drawn in eyebrows in the space between Daniel's existing eyebrows, giving him a harsh uni-brow. Then he'd drawn a black circle on his nose, whiskers on his cheeks, and a huge mouth of pointy fangs all around Daniel's mouth, using up most of his chin and all the space between his nose and mouth to do so.

"Oh God," Daniel groaned. He immediately switched both taps on and started scrubbing at his face with soap and water. "SAAAAAAAM! Help, it's not coming off!"

"Daniel, you're going to have to wait a minute, we're trying to vacuum up all the dirt in here," Sam called back.

"Fine," Daniel muttered. He looked at himself for a few more moments and said to his reflection, "If Teal'c hasn't killed you yet, I will."

He hurried back into the bedroom to get some shoes and his glasses so he could go after Mitchell - they could still hear periodic screaming and missed paintball shots coming from outside. Vala was dust-busting her bed, while Sam continued picking the worms out of the dirt and handing them down to Jack, who was holding a cup. "The rest he can clean up by himself," Jack insisted.

A particularly loud shriek from outside drew everyone's attention. "Maybe we should go make sure Teal'c doesn't do any permanent damage," Sam suggested.

"You want to walk right in the line of fire?" Jack asked rhetorically.

"I think we should go out there and help," Daniel said. Everyone turned to stare at him in surprise. Once he had all their attention, he added, "Help Teal'c."

"Excellent," Vala said, abandoning her task immediately in favor of swinging her legs over the side of the bunk and reaching down for Daniel to help her. He lowered her to the ground and they hurried out the room before Sam and Jack could stop them.

After finishing with the dirt, they looked at each other and sighed. "Think we could just go get our little Asgard stone thingy, zap ourselves back to DC, and leave them here to sort all this out themselves?" Jack asked.

"Well… that's tempting, but I can't help but think that ultimately you're responsible for all this somehow. You _are _the one who…"

"Shhh! The walls have ears!"

"I think all the ears are outside with paintballs whizzing past them. But point taken. I'll go make coffee if you go get everybody to cease fire."

"What am I, a miracle worker?"

Nevertheless, he thought it only fair that if one of them were about to be hit by 'friendly fire,' it was him. He opened the back door and stood in the doorway, watching for a few moments as Cameron was being boxed in by all three of his victims. He had so much skin exposed, since he was only wearing boxers, that Jack guessed being shot that many times with paintball guns was probably starting to get more than a little painful. Everyone else had been hit a few times, but Mitchell was starting to look like a multi-colored Dalmatian.

Mitchell was being backed onto the dock. He finally decided they probably couldn't shoot him in the water, and tossed his gun to the dock before launching himself in a very ungainly leap into the water. "Ohforcryin'outloud," Jack muttered.

Diplomacy was overrated. Jack had always held that to be true. Living in DC had just underlined it. And it was still his day off. He didn't have to be diplomatic to negotiate peace. He just went around the side of the cabin to the spigot, grabbed the coiled hose lying there, switched the water on, and approached the remaining three. They had their backs to him, because they were still calling out to Mitchell - who was swimming towards the middle of the pond. Vala was still even shooting at him.

Jack got close enough to them and started spraying them with the nozzle, full blast. "Okay, everyone cool off! That's it! Now, you've all got each other back, it'll make a great story. Let's just call a truce and you can all come inside and have breakfast. But only if you promise to eat it and not throw it at each other."

He wouldn't stop spraying them until they all agreed and all put their weapons down. When he was finally satisfied that they'd agreed to his terms, he stopped and went back inside, chuckling to himself.

Daniel, Teal'c, and Vala just stood there for a moment, all dripping wet. Daniel's face was still covered with Mitchell's artwork. They were all getting more than a little chilly though, so they decided they'd better all get inside and get clean and dry. They turned to Mitchell, who still hadn't started to swim back in towards them.

Vala finally extended the peace offering, holding out the oar from the rowboat to give him a hand in. He took the other end of the oar hesitantly, but they all pulled him in and helped him to his feet. They exchanged truce-looks, but didn't say anything as they sloshed their way up to the cabin. Jack had piled a bunch of towels outside in the meantime, but shut and locked the door.

They took that to mean they weren't welcome in the house while they were dripping wet, and just started peeling off their wet clothes on the porch. Since Mitchell was only in boxers, he wrapped his towel around his waist first and then shimmied out of them.

Everyone was soon in a towel with his or her clothes spread out to dry on the porch. Finally, Teal'c knocked on the door. Sam opened it, trying not to smile at the sight of all of them standing there in towels, outside. "So… rough night guys?" she asked.

They all just gave her pitiful looks, so she let them in. They headed off towards their room and the bathroom yet again. Daniel lingered behind, holding the towel firmly around his waist. "Sam, I really need your help, how am I supposed to get this stuff off of my face? It's permanent!"

"Daniel, there _are _limits to my knowledge." She frowned for a moment in thought and said, "Try shaving cream, actually."

"Yeah?"

Sam nodded.

"Thanks!"

He hurried off to boot whoever was already in the bathroom out.

----------

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

Note: I can't believe I have more than twice as many reviews on this story than my other ones combined - that's awesome! Two reviews in particular I have to mention: Scarletwitch0 - your comment led to what I consider my best joke of this whole story, in this chapter. And spacemonkey1129 - no, sadly my new hamster's a plain brown teddy bear hamster, no tattoo. But I DID draw the Apophis symbol on his cage and stuff.

Ch 17

By the time everyone had themselves and their bedroom cleaned up, Jack and Sam were had huge stacks of pancakes made. Jack was really having way too much fun with the instant-pour-just-add-water pancake… jug thing they'd brought. "I have to say, this is a wonderful device."

"The Super-soldier blaster was a wonderful device. This doesn't qualify," Sam insisted.

He chuckled. "Fair enough. But it does make feeding the SG-1 army _much _easier."

"Well, you're right about that," she agreed.

Sam was washing fruit and making toast to go along with it when the rest of the gang entered the kitchen. They were all very subdued.

"It worked!" she said happily as she saw Daniel's face. It was a bit red, no doubt from vigorous scrubbing, but the marker was gone.

"What worked?" Jack asked blankly.

"I got the writing off my face," Daniel stated in his "duh Jack" voice.

"Oh, was there something different on your face?" Jack countered innocently.

Daniel scowled while Vala and Sam laughed.

"Well, campers, do you think you can all be trusted to set the table together?" Jack asked.

They all just nodded and got to work.

When they sat down to breakfast, they all tucked in to their food quietly, no doubt deciding that the best way to get over all the pranking they'd been doing was to just eat in companionable silence.

Predictably, Vala was the first one to break the peaceful quiet. "So, Colonel Mitchell," she said around a big mouthful of pancakes. "What possessed you to attack all of us in our sleep, exactly?"

Mitchell shrugged. "I couldn't figure out which one of you got me so I just got you all back to be safe."

"What?" Vala and Daniel asked, exchanging puzzled looks.

"Oh, that's cute," Mitchell said sarcastically. "One or all of you covered me with honey and smashed eggs in my face."

"I too was awakened in a similar manner. Someone filled my hand with shaving cream," Teal'c said.

They all looked at each other, trying to figure out who was responsible for the first strike. Another fight was about to break out, and Jack certainly didn't want them to begin using the pancakes he'd just spent half an hour making to end up being used as projectiles… _or_ comparing stories enough to sort out that he'd initially made the "first strike"…

"Last night when I went to bed, Jack threatened to do something to me," Daniel remembered suddenly.

"To be fair, that's not exactly unusual," Sam said jokingly.

"And Colonel Mitchell has already admitted responsibility for tying you to your bed," Teal'c reminded.

"Yeah all right," Daniel admitted reluctantly.

They all went back to eating for a few moments, Sam and Jack exchanging quick looks of relief.

Then Mitchell said, "Wait, T, did you do all that crap to me because you thought I did the shaving cream thing to you?"

"Are you denying responsibility for your actions, Colonel Mitchell?"

"Are you?" he shot back.

"Kids, kids, let's not start pointing fingers. You all had a little fun with each other, no major damage was done…"

"Easy for you to say, General. You didn't start your day off as a living target for all the leftover paintball ammo," Mitchell grumbled. "If I'm gonna be shot I at least want to have it coming to me!"

"Like I _asked _Daniel to shoot me in the ass while I slept yesterday?"

"Oh, Jack, I really don't think you want to bring that up again," Daniel said.

"Yeah, how's your knee this morning, General?" Vala asked with deliberately false concern just dripping from her voice.

He stabbed the pancake on his plate a little harder than he probably should have and didn't answer. Too late - he had sparked Daniel's curiosity again.

"Wait a minute… " Daniel started. "Teal'c, if you're the one who got Mitchell, and he got all of us in revenge after that, then that means you were the first one who got pranked."

"Indeed," Teal'c nodded.

"And we all know not to prank you. I mean, not even Jack would dare… oh. OH! But _you _were on the other bottom bunk like I was, and he _did _threaten to get _me, _so…"

All eyes turned to Jack.

"It was an accident, Teal'c, I swear!" Jack said quickly. "I was on the floor, I couldn't see… I was sure I had the right bed! Unless Mitchell wears bras or something…"

"Whoa, how'd this get back to being my fault? And what exactly makes you think I…"

"Vala was on top of Daniel, right?" Jack demanded. Sam winced automatically at his choice of phrasing, just waiting for it…

"That's usually how he likes it," Vala said, winking at Daniel. Daniel just narrowed his eyes at her and tossed an extra-burnt piece of toast at her, earning himself a reprimand from Sam for his efforts before Jack continued talking.

"I saw a bra hanging off one of the top bunks and assumed it was Vala's, so I went after the guy on that bottom bunk. T… you gotta know I would never do that to you on purpose. Not after… last time."

Teal'c gave him one of those stares that could have suspects spilling their guts in the interrogation room in two seconds flat. Then he nodded slightly and said, "I will accept your explanation, O'Neill."

"You will?" Jack asked, more than a little surprised.

"Indeed."

They all went back to eating, as though nothing had happened - except for Cameron. He looked around at everyone for several moments before demanding of his roommates, "Nobody wants to tell them I wasn't wearing Vala's bra or anything weird like that?"

They all shrugged, enjoying watching Mitchell trying to walk that line between friendly and professional around the General. He still didn't really have it down all that well, and it was hilarious watching him try. Only because they all knew that _he _was the only one truly concerned - Mitchell occasionally putting his foot in his mouth certainly didn't make Jack think any less of him as a Lt. Colonel. If anything, it made him like the younger man even better.

"Fine," Mitchell said, glaring at all of them before turning to Jack and Sam. "We were telling ghost stories last night and she got scared and shot it over at me to get me to stop."

"Actually," Vala corrected. "_You _were the only one insisting on telling those ridiculous stories while the rest of us were trying to _sleep. _I wasn't scared, we just wanted you to shut up."

"She was scared," Mitchell insisted with a satisfied smirk.

"Well, at least you had a legitimate explanation," Sam joked.

"So are we all going to join forces and get Jack back for setting off that whole prank war, or what?" Daniel asked casually as he buttered the piece of toast Vala had chucked at him a few moments ago and took a big bite. "And Sam too, I guess, for aiding and abetting."

Without missing a beat, Vala said, "Now, now, Daniel, it's not exactly news that Colonel Carter's a-bedding the General."

While Sam turned instantly pink, Cameron laughed so hard that orange juice came out of his nose. As he tried to clean himself up and complained about how badly it stung, Daniel insisted, "That's _not _what I meant. And. Gross." Looking at how embarrassed Sam was, he added, "Well I guess that takes care of Sam's punishment. Now, who votes we get even with Jack?"

Vala raised her hand. Teal'c, next to her, lowered it steadily. "O'Neill, I believe we will consider the fact that you prepared breakfast for us all to be sufficient payment for your actions."

Nobody dared disagree with Teal'c, so the matter was finally resolved.

----------

TBC -- but almost done.


	18. Chapter 18

Ch 18

It started pouring down rain as they finished breakfast. Everyone was disappointed - the last day they had there wasn't even a full day, and they had all planned to spend the morning hiking and fishing. Plus, it was more than a little crowded in the small cabin when they were all inside at once. Just the knowledge that none of them could _go _outside made it seem more crowded, too.

Plus there was the fact that Vala was wandering aimlessly around the cabin whining, "I'm so bored."

Daniel was doing his best to ignore her by pretending to actually be interested in the video game war of the century that was being waged between Jack and Cameron. "You guys _could _let the rest of us play," Daniel muttered to them.

"Yeah, yeah, you're next," Mitchell promised him absently - for about the tenth time. "Oh, you bastard!" he suddenly yelled, getting to his feet with the control still in his hand.

He glanced at his challenger as he sat back down slowly. "Uh, not you sir. Just talking to my guys on the screen."

"Uh-huh."

Teal'c and Sam, who were playing chess on the coffee table, exchanged amused looks.

Vala started going through the movie collection, even though the television was currently in use. "Daniel, what's this one about?" she asked, bringing him a DVD.

Daniel started laughing. "Mary Poppins."

Sam looked up quickly, narrowing her eyes at him in a silent order. She'd been really pissed when Cameron called her that, even though it was a while ago.

"What's that doing here?" Jack called.

"I think Cassie left it here a long time ago," Sam said, remembering that several years ago, Cassie had lost it somewhere.

"It's a children's movie, then?" Vala asked, reading the back of the box.

"Uh, yeah," Daniel confirmed.

"Sam's a big fan," Mitchell added casually, as his car on screen crashed into something. Sam threw a pillow at the back of his head.

"What did I miss?" Vala wanted to know instantly.

"I'm curious myself," Jack added.

"It's nothing," Sam and Daniel said at the same time.

"Just a nickname," Cameron explained.

"It wasn't even funny the first time," Daniel told Vala.

"And it didn't even make sense," Sam added.

"What didn't make sense?" Jack asked distractedly, trying to listen and beat Mitchell at the video game at the same time. "Wait, everything makes sense to you," he said, confused, when he realized that Sam saying something didn't make sense didn't make sense in and of itself.

"That was the joke," Mitchell tried to explain. "Come on, people… Mary Poppins? Teal'c, help me out."

"I do not 'get it' either, Colonel Mitchell."

"Dude, come on! Mary Poppins! She's 'practically perfect in every way.'"

"Ohhhhhhh," Daniel said. "Well now it makes sense."

"It's still not very funny though, is it?" Vala added.

Sam just turned her attention back to the chess game.

"Well, now I want to watch it," Vala said decisively.

"After this game," Jack promised.

"I don't want to watch that!" Daniel objected.

"Want to play Trivial Pursuit while we watch it?" Sam suggested.

Teal'c and Daniel both wanted to. Now everyone just had to wait for the video game competition to end.

It was pretty obvious when it did end. Cameron threw his controller down in disgust while Jack yelled, "Who's your Daddy!" as he had done when blasting the crap out of Replicators a few years back.

"I think we already established that you're his Daddy, General," Vala said, leaning over Mitchell from behind, where he was sitting. She hugged his shoulders with one arm and ruffled his hair with the other. "Right Colonel Mitchell?"

Mitchell, who had looked just a little bit scared, as some sort of reflex, when the General had yelled, got to his feet trying to shrug Vala off of him. "Get off my back Pigtails," he grumbled, trying to peel her arms off of him. That, of course, just encouraged her to jump completely on his back for an impromptu piggy-back ride. "Hey, watch it. You'll hurt my back," Mitchell objected, heading towards Daniel. "Get her off me!"

"No way. As long as she's bothering you she's keeping me entertained. And not bothering me."

"You boys are no fun," Vala informed them both before lowering herself back to the ground and snatching the movie up.

----------

"Vala Malduran, please join me in the kitchen. I require your assistance."

Vala shrugged and followed Teal'c into the kitchen.

"Two aliens in the kitchen," Jack whispered to Sam when Vala and Teal'c were gone. "That's not good. Remember Jonas and Teal'c, at your house?"

Sam nodded. "I had to redecorate. Teal'c knows his way around the kitchen now though."

"I guess," Jack said. He knew it was true - actually, out of all of them, Teal'c was probably the best cook. "And the kitchen sort of needs to be repainted anyway."

Mitchell, who had been looking out the window, said, "It's finally stopped raining."

"Good."

"Anybody want to play another game?" Daniel asked.

"No, we bow to you, trivial pursuit master," Jack said sarcastically.

"Come on, Sam," Daniel attempted to wheedle.

"No," Sam said. She was a little sore about losing - it wasn't fair. Daniel had two categories he was an expert in - History and People & Places. She only had Science & Nature.

"Let's play poker instead," Jack suggested. "It's too wet to hike out there now."

"Yeah, I think I've had enough mud this trip," Mitchell agreed, coming away from the window to rejoin the group.

"I'll go tell Teal'c and Vala," Daniel volunteered, going into the kitchen. He came out a few minutes later grinning. "They said to start without us."

"Why?" Sam asked suspiciously. "What are they doing in there?"

"I'm not supposed to tell you guys. It's a 'surprise.'" He went over to help Mitchell bring the poker stuff to the coffee table.

"Great," Sam said dryly.

"Alien surprise," Jack added in the same tone.

----------

They'd already played several hands of poker when Vala burst through the kitchen door with a big smile. "Well, everyone! Teal'c and I have prepared a delicious traditional Earth dessert, inspired by the movie we watched earlier!"

Trying to think of what she could have possibly seen in Mary Poppins and then wanted to cook, Sam wasn't able to come up with anything before Teal'c answered the question by coming in with a huge tray.

"Candied apples!" Vala informed them all, although there was really no mistaking the bright red, covered spheres with popsicle sticks sticking straight up in the air.

"Sweet," Jack said.

"Not the usual snack for a poker game, but they look good," Mitchell said, grabbing one off the tray. Vala handed one to Daniel and took one for herself, as Teal'c held the tray out to Jack and Sam. They each took one, not wanting to hurt Teal'c and Vala's feelings.

Mitchell took the first bite and declared, "These are great!" around the mouthful as he chewed.

Daniel dug in as well. Jack and Sam looked at each other, shrugged, and took their own bites at the same time.

Sam, who had taken as small a bite as she could, spit it out almost immediately. Jack, who'd taken a huge bite, actually chewed it twice before it hit him, and he spit it out as well with a loud splutter. "Oh, sick, what the hell…"

"Teal'c!" Sam objected, looking around for something to drink. "What did I do to you?"

"You attempted to keep me from learning it was O'Neill who put the shaving cream in my hand."

"Yeah but you said you were cool with that," Jack whined, looking around for somewhere to get rid of the pieces he'd spit out in his hand.

"He was lulling you into a false sense of security," Vala explained happily as she took a bite of her own apple.

Sam threw the rest of her 'treat' at her as she and Jack headed to the kitchen for something to drink, to get rid of the terrible flavor.

"What the hell did you guys do to their apples?" Mitchell demanded, as Daniel picked one up, smelled it, and promptly dropped it back on the tray.

"That's definitely not an apple."

"What are they?"

Vala and Teal'c both smiled and said proudly, "Onions."

----------

TBC (1 more chapter left.)

Note: I did this once. When it's got the candy shell on, you can't tell if it's an onion or apple till you bite into it. It's a good prank to keep in mind for Thanksgiving and Christmas…


	19. Chapter 19

Ch 19

"I can't believe them," Jack said, in between gargling large mouthfuls of Listerine and spitting in the sink - all done much more loudly than it had to be.

"I know," Sam agreed around her toothbrush. "I can't believe Teal'c did that. To ME!"

"To _you_? But you have no trouble believing he did it to me… okay, good point. I'm guessing you've got Vala to thank for convincing him to extend his revenge to you as well."

Sam spit out the rest of her toothpaste and wiped her mouth on a towel. "Well… at least everybody's even now. Let's just go kick their asses at poker."

He grinned. "That mean you're gonna start counting cards?"

"Maybe."

"Ahh, I'm glad I'm on your side, Carter."

----------

As they rejoined the group for the poker game, they both stopped behind Teal'c's chair, staring at the group. "Uh… how long were we brushing our teeth?" Jack asked.

"Apparently long enough for Cam to lose his pants. Again," Sam answered.

It was true - Jack and Sam had been gone from the poker game for less than ten minutes, and in that time, not only had the game gone from regular poker to strip poker, but Mitchell was down to his boxers and socks. Teal'c was shirtless, and Vala had lost her pants as well, although her shirt was long enough that it didn't really matter. Daniel had apparently been on a winning streak, because he had all the confiscated clothes draped around his shoulders like a weird, multi-layer cape.

"You know, I'm beginning to worry about your frequent 'debriefing,' Mitchell," Jack said finally, when all four of them had just stared at Jack and Sam for several moments, clearly unsure as to how their host was going to react to the new game - on top of just being pranked, as well.

"Well, sir, you know what they say about debriefings," Mitchell said, clearly stalling as he searched for a punch line.

Luckily there were plenty of people there to supply their own immediate suggestions.

"The more people participating, the more enlightening it will be?" Teal'c said.

"If Daniel's in charge of debriefing anyone, it's going to be unbelievably tedious and boring and nobody will be satisfied when it's over?" Vala guessed.

Daniel scowled at her and countered, "That Vala's presence will not in any way be remotely helpful."

"Now darling how many times have I helped you debrief General Landry? I _always _lend you a helpful hand, debriefing, briefing, or otherwise…"

Before she could take the conversation into an even more disturbing place, Mitchell said above everyone else's talking and laughing, "Uh, actually, I was thinking 'the sooner it's over, the better.'" He looked to O'Neill for backup. "Come on sir, you have to be with me on that one."

Everyone looked at Jack, who shrugged and said, "Pass. For now."

"That leaves you, Colonel Carter," Vala said, swatting away Daniel's hand as he tried to flick her shoulder and get her to stop.

Partially just to get Vala to leave Daniel alone, and partially just to get them all to shut up, Sam said casually, "Well, I've always thought that a debriefing just isn't worth having if there's not a scientist calling the shots."

Vala and Mitchell both just looked stunned that she'd not only joined in, but pretty much beat them at their own little quip-off. Original SG-1 looked amused and impressed, but far less shocked at the remark. Although even Teal'c and Daniel joined in the looks of surprise when Jack just said, "A-men!"

----------

The end.

(I was going to write a part where they actually leave, but this conversation just sort of ended up happening here towards the end of their trip, and it seemed like a better place to stop than just having them all say goodbye, since it basically ends on the same joke that started the story in the first place. I can't believe I got over 100 reviews for this story - you guys are so awesome! I'm thinking of doing a sequel that would take place at Christmas, with everyone, plus maybe put Cassie in it as well. I think she would be really funny with Vala, and with Cameron too.)


End file.
